Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Thoughts on moving.

I ended my fast at I think, 26 hours.
I'm eating more for fear of my binge disorder coming back. The longer I starve, the more likely I'll binge.
I've worked so, so hard to get to a point where I'm only eating when I'm hungry and stopping before I'm full. Every day that goes by without a binge seems like a miracle.
I honestly can't remember the last day I binged.
When I started, I never thought I could get through two days in a row without binge eating.
Now most days I lose weight instead of gaining. I'm still mostly maintaining but the weight is very slowly, painfully dropping.
I lost four pounds over my fast I think.

I haven't seen my dog in six months now. I never, NEVER thought it would be that long.
X and I were told by his mother that they'd be paying for a deposit, and that they'd already found a place for us, and that X was guaranteed an interview at his dad's work.
It was all a lie to bring X close enough that they could manipulate him. He hates them.

But they finally found a little house for themselves with a bit of land. If we can find a nice enough trailer we'll come with.
It would be so nice to have my own bathroom again.
I think I'd live in a shitty one with just a bed and a bathroom if I could just get out of here to begin with.
These people are insane and thrive off of drama.
I'm having episodes of agoraphobia where I can't leave my room because I'm trying so hard to avoid them.
People are so shit.

I just want my dog back. He'll never stop loving me. I think that's probably the appeal.
That and he's big enough to scare the shit out of people.

I want another dog. Maybe.

I can't touch my cat anymore because I found out I'm allergic to her. So... I'm a bit lonely. Not that cats are that great of company anyways.

I just want some fucking privacy again. I want to be able to sneeze without the whole house hearing.

I can't believe I'm going to be 24 this year.
This blog is old.