Sunday, November 13, 2016

Fucking mad

I forgot I even had this blog as an outlet until a comment showed up in my email saying someone was still listening.

I'm not better. Not feeling better in any way. I haven't lost any weight.
I'm at a point in my relationship that I wish I was rich so I could leave.
I'm aware I'm mostly staying because I don't want to go back to Hell. I don't care. I'm determined to survive.

He's an asshole.
I don't know what else to say besides that. He's got anger issues that he needs therapy for but won't go. I'm the emotional punching bag.

I don't understand how people can love you and still treat you like shit at the same time. I will never understand that.

I'm tired of his family. His mom is a compulsive liar or something like that. Emulates empathy and love. I don't think she can actually feel anything for anyone but herself.

I'm tired of cabin fever. I never learned to drive.
Imagine being locked in your bedroom for a day. Then a week. Then a month. A year. Until you are 25, 30, 40, 60. Until you die. Imagine being locked inside of your own body.

I feel like I have no control over my life any more. I want loads of space from fucking everybody. But I share a room with someone who is emotionally abusive and has too much pride to ever admit anything. I want to cut but I'm terrified he'll go into a rage if he finds out.

I have to go before he reads this.