Friday, August 15, 2014

Disgust

I watched some documentaries today about Andy Warhol. Some of his more disturbing work has me feeling... a little disturbed.
The cat has puked everywhere for no apparent reason. I'm sick and can't clean and the bf just puts everything off. There are a few paper towels piled up on the puke and then it just sits there. His dirty clothes are piled everywhere.
My intense sense of smell has me flinching at every scent in the house. I can smell the dish soap on my dishes, taste it in the filtered water. Something is wrong with the pipes and the water is yellow. The food smells all wrong or too strong. Smells coming in from outside are car exhaust, smoke from nearby fires, the trash bins across the driveway, a dead skunk I think...
I can smell old food the bf didn't put away. I can smell when things are freezer burnt and the fridge keeps freezing everything on the top shelf and I can taste that as well. The dishes never get done. If I wandered into the kitchen I am sure I would find bowls or plates of half eaten food left to rot for days or weeks. The bf put off throwing out the trash, which he put frozen meat into the other day. Now it has melted and there is blood all over the floor.
I can't deal with it. It is so overwhelming to me. I am past the point of wanting to sanitize everything. I have just been waiting for it to go away. That's all I can do anymore. I don't have any energy. I think if it weren't so hot I could just sleep for days or weeks at a time.
What a crushing world. What a disgusting time and place for any human being to exist...