Saturday, August 3, 2013

I feel sick. I don't know what else to say but that I feel sick with myself. I had sex with V. I knew I would feel bad afterwards. I KNEW. Yet I did it anyways. I don't know what made me do it. We have been together maybe three weeks. I am his first. What is wrong with me? I am going to be here at his house with him for another day or two too. I don't know what to do. I want to shut down but I can't let him know how I feel seeing as it was his first time. Why do I have no self control? I am totally breaking down at the moment but I can't reach out. I just can't get myself to do it. I am a wreck.
I guess I will find my mp3 player and just try and fall asleep like he is right now.
How discouraging. I just hate my life right now. I hate myself. This is not very healthy talk...