Wednesday, June 12, 2013

On Monday I got in this big fight with D about how I feel like he never spends enough time with me. His mom woke him up around seven that morning and kept him working for her until some time in the afternoon, when he planned to spend the rest of the day at his friends. Monday is his first day off of the week, and Wednesday is the second. He told me that he worked so hard for his mom so that he would get all of Wednesday just for me and him. I don't understand why he has to work so hard, or why his mother gets a say as to spending time with me at all.
So I came to stay here at my parent's house. My uncle and grandpa came to help with siding the house and getting it ready to sell so mom offered them the room I am staying in. I have to leave today and D knew that.
He didn't show up. I came up with all of these scenarios in my head, called his house to ask his mom where he was, and guess who picked up? He did. He sounded pretty happy and told me that his dad made him help him fix the hot tub. He had told his dad that he was going to spend the day with me and his dad told him that he couldn't, and had to help him out. It is five in the afternoon, and D was supposed to eat dinner real quick and come get me. It's been an hour and a half. I am not sure if I can deal with such blatant disrespect from everyone anymore. It sucks.
If I were him, and my dad told me that I couldn't go see my bf, I would tell him to fuck off because it's my life, and I would put my bf first for once. No one deserves to be treated this way. I'm not sure if I want to deal with it anymore. I don't want to be there, but I can't be here either. My only other option is going back to the apartment to sleep in the same room as my ex. I don't know what to do. I never know what to do. I have no options.
All I can say for now is that I am feeling very hurtful, withdrawn, and self destructive. I don't want to argue with D again because I know it won't make any difference. He can never see past himself. I am done trying to communicate with someone who does not want to communicate. He can come to me when he is ready to be a real couple. Otherwise, this- US- will never work out.
I just binged a ton. I hadn't eaten anything all day and then I went shopping and found out where D was and what was going on and I ate half of everything. I feel disgusting. I am also so bored I could rip out my organs. I know that sounds morbid.
On another note, my family is moving in a month or two. My mom made an offer on a house in another state and it was accepted so they have a house. The offer was $293,000.
I know this is self defeating but I really hate my life right now. Nothing seems to be able to go right.