Saturday, May 25, 2013

It is so hard to find inspiration these days. Every one of my posts seems to run like mascara eerily into all of the others.

I changed my mind. If I keep up the delusional and keep convincing myself that it is just water weight, I am missing out on a great bit of inspiration and probably missing out on the truth too. I don't want to think that I am smaller than I actually am. The entire idea actually makes me want to puke and then starve for days on end. I don't mean puke food up on purpose either by the way.
I am 157.5 pounds. The bad news is, I am so fat! The good news is that I seem to have lost half of a pound since I last weighed myself probably yesterday. Half a pound is a whole lot better than nothing. Half a pound feels like a miracle right now at this very moment.

I wish I had better motivation though. My thinspo book was great but I don't even have that with me. With any luck my bf can bring it to me within the next few days but even then, I don't really have any way to improve on it. I have no scissors, tape, glue, construction paper, regular paper, pencils, markers, crayons, colored pencils, drawing utensils in general and no pictures like magazine ads to put in either. How depressing...

I guess I could compile a simple scrap book like thinspo book on my computer. I have all the materials in the world with the internet at my fingertips. If it goes well, I will share them here.
I can't believe I am basically 22.5 pounds away from my low weight. How far I have fallen... or gained I guess. But I can beat this. We all know I can.