Thursday, May 23, 2013

Everyone is gone from the apartment. I came back yesterday. The scale got moved out of the bathroom but no one was here so I was able to undress to weigh myself. I weigh 158 pounds on that scale. WTF?
I think a lot of it MUST be water weight. Maybe I am in denial but I can tell when my jeans are too lose and I can tell when my stomach is flatter and my face is starting to lose the roundness. I think all the water is in my legs or something... I don't know.
I am frustrated. I guess to be honest, if my bf's scale is three pounds off then I am really 155, but even that seems odd to me... But it is better than what I've got. Even K says that the scale here is several pounds off.
But I found out that my boyfriend's mother is 140 pounds. Then I found out that K is between 155 and 165. I am her size. I am bigger than D's mother. I want to be the skinniest by far. Not the fattest by a little. And not the skinniest by a little.
Now that I think about it, my stomach has been really upset the last few days. It must be bloating. That really clears things up. I would also like to point out that although I quit that medication because of bad side affects three days ago, it is still in my system. This medication has this affect of making people gain several pounds- in water weight.
I feel hungry right now but my stomach still feels more upset, as if I had just stuffed myself with dairy and other things I shouldn't have and were over full. I am guessing that is what bloating feels like...
I'm going to wait to eat until someone is here to see me. K knows I have eating issues. I want to see how long I can not eat before getting sick today. It probably won't be long.

My bf left me with $60 to take care of myself though. He wants to make sure I won't ever have to go without something I need again. He's so sweet these days. I really hope it works out with him. As of yesterday we have been together for 7 months.