Saturday, May 11, 2013

I am finally making a list of my goals and the rewards for them. I am finding the rewards system works well for me, and I am sure my bf will support me like he always does and I know he wants to see me tiny.

145- platinum blonde hair dye
140- pink and blue in my hair
135- new two piece swim suit
130- second piercing in my ears
125- cute undies, leg warmers
120- belly button piercing

I will be talking to my bf about this later on, but I love the idea. I am so motivated. I really want to get my belly button pierced. I have been wanting to for ages.
The real rewards actually start at 135. I have the hair dyes ready and my bf really wants to see them. He'll just have to wait until I am good and ready.
So, my goal is to be down to 145 pounds on this scale by Sunday, May 19th.
That is approximately 8 days to lose about 7 pounds. I think it's doable.
Last night I felt like I had eaten so much, and then looking back I only had:
2 granola bars- 200 calories
Some chicken- 400 (?)
Ice cream with chocolate sauce- 800 (?)

That is estimating high I suppose.
Still, my total would be 1400 calories. That is somewhat safer than the 2000+ I always imagine I've eaten.

I am going to try to scan in some of the pages of my old thinspo book for everyone to see. It's mainly a scrapbook looking thing with pictures cut out of magazines and words written in on bits of construction paper. It works well for me. My bf bought me three new magazines yesterday. Because I have never had brand new ones before, I am hesitant to cut them up. They are mine so I want them to stay nice forever. But then, where else would I get the pictures?
He says he will get me subscriptions to them when he can, so that I "have something to look forward to" every month.
The three magazines are: Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and Shape.

I ate half a bag of chips and drank lots of soda before weighing again. Oops.
But I was 151-152 on the scale at my bf's house which is supposed to be exact.
I think I am okay with that. I think last night I expected to gain a lot but I think I lose a pound or two somehow. I know when I woke up I felt like my clothes were a bit looser.
I am sick of having a fat gut, and my cheeks are all round again. I had cheekbones and it was gorgeous. I'll get there again. I want a flat tummy again. Concave even.

So, I found a paper today in my old thinspo book, which I am thinking of adding to.
It reads like this:

High Weight: 181 (December 16, 20120)
Low Weight: 166.4 (January 12, 2011)
Current Weight 174 (January 16, 2011)

It had a list of my goals from that date after that. What I find most interesting, is that I must have made this thinspo book before I even started this blog. This page wasn't put in until after a good amount of my book was already made. What I find even more fascinating is that my lowest weight was once 166.4 pounds. I am 15 pounds lower than that.
I have made so much progress! I can't believe I was ever that heavy. It seems like so long ago.
Now my stats are more like this:

High Weight: 181
Low Weight: 135
Current Weight: 151

It doesn't seem like so much all of a sudden, but looking in the mirror, it is still not good enough. I do feel somewhat accomplished though. Wow...