Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I just added my thinspo playlist from YouTube to the ana's Playlist page. It's the one towards the bottom.
I haven't eaten anything else yet. I am starting to feel very hungry which is good. My stomach hurts because it isn't used to being hungry all the time anymore. I am looking forward to being down a pound by tomorrow.
My bigger goal is to lose five pounds a week. I am determined to lose twenty pounds in a month. I want to be at my low weight again so much.
I want to see my hip bones and have tiny legs that have a thigh gap. I want a flat stomach and I want to be able to see my ribs and my collarbones again. I want to see my cheekbones...
I feel as if I have lost interest with my readers, which is not too surprising to me.
No one really wants to read, "I have eaten this much today" and "I hate my life" every day.
I'm okay with that. But I think I should find some goal that would interest everyone. If it's not exciting enough for everyone else, it certainly isn't going to motivate me to do anything or go anywhere with my life.
So, for a start, I know I love weight loss goals. I'm going to make a steeper one.

In five days it will be Sunday. I want to be down to 150 by Sunday. That is my goal.
Five pounds in five days.
If I can do that I think I will reward myself by dying my hair again. I am blond right now but in certain lights it looks very yellow and orange. I want to bleach it again and maybe put in another ash blond to take out the red tints. The whiter my blond is the better, and once it is as blond as I like, then I will put in the pink and the blue. That is something to look forward to.

I found a picture from when I was 135 and my face looks amazing in it. I had cheekbones. My face is very round and chubby now. It is good motivation. I would post the picture but I doubt anyone would look at it in the short period I would leave it up. However, if anyone wants to see it, I will put it up by request.
So I am drinking a skinny vanilla latte with soy- 140 calories.
I had a big breakfast which sucks.
The coffee really helps to calm me down.
I ended up going on this five day trip to another state with my bf and his mom but now I am back.
The only problem is, it seems I have gone back up on the scale here. That means that even if I am 155 on the scale here, at the apartment it would say I am 160. I hate the entire idea.
I have to lose weight...
The coffee definitely helps with appetite. The only problem is, my bf's dad is home right now and he is pretty judgmental when it comes to eating food. He gets pretty upset when I don't want to be social and have dinner with them and my bf always makes lots of high calorie food and then loads my plate up and I feel like I have to eat it all. I will find a way around it though. I don't want to eat for the rest of the day.
My total so far is:

2 hash brown patties- 500 calories
2 pieces of bread- 200 calories
1 piece of chocolate cake- 400 calories
coffee- 140
Total calories= 1240 calories.

I will be pretty unhappy if I go above 1500 but I think I would be okay with it if I only had liquids like coffee for the rest of the day.
It sucks not being able to fit into all of these clothes I fit into just a few months ago. I am feeling pretty down about that but I have the power to make change and I do so want to fit into them again for summer.
So, this has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss, but just before I went on my trip to another state I ended up getting a new fish. I wasn't expecting it. I went to go get some food for my fish Dog, and saw the little fish and suddenly had to get it.
Just a little background on me and fish here- I have a thing for plecostumuses (plecos). They are fish that suck on the inside of the tank to clean it, and you usually see them in big tanks at dentist or doctor's offices.
I had a few plecos die before I got my oldest pleco, so when I got her (I thought it was a boy at the time) I didn't want to grow attached to her because I figured she would just die too. That's why I named her Dog. To me it was just a name for a doomed fish. Turns out she wouldn't die and she's lived for quite some time. They can live up to 10-15 years and grow up to the size of 2 feet long. I got Dog when she was maybe an inch long. Now she is about 10 inches.
This is what Dog looks like:























This isn't an actual picture of her but it looks just like her. It kind of looks like Toothless from "How To Train Your Dragon", except underwater and has no wings or legs...
Fish have more personality than people think. I feel like not a lot of people actually care for fish.
Dog for example, does this thing with her eyes where you would swear she is staring at you and then she actually winks. She also thrashes around at the bottom so that the water has little tidal waves and when the water clears, all the gravel is on the other side of the tank. The other fish always look very affronted when she does this.

Anyways, my new fish is actually an albino bristlenose pleco, which means whens she gets bigger she can grow big bristles on her nose, which would indicate that she is actually a he.
I was convinced I would come back from the other state after several days of leaving her alone and she would be floating on the top dead, but she is just fine.
This is what she will look like grown up:


I named the little albino Cow.
Someday I want to have a giant pond and put Dog and Cow together. I am actually hoping they are opposite gender and will mate and have a ton of little baby plecos.
I have this silly theory that the loch ness monster is actually a giant pleco. It would hate sunlight and never come up like normal plecos, and would spend it's life just sucking the bottom of the lake trying to clean it up.
Well, enough boring talk about fish... I think they are quite wonderful creatures but you can decide for yourself. :)