Monday, October 28, 2013

Alarms

I've been having one main issue with my boyfriend lately. Besides the fact that he stresses out way too much over things that really aren't that significant, I have to deal with another set of hateful parents. At first they were kind and appeared to like me, but now they are making it increasingly clear how much they do not want me in their son's life.
His mom told him that she would rather he sleep around at college than have a steady girlfriend. I think they do not appreciate that I am pulling their son away from them but he's not a child anymore. I thought it was normal for a while but now it is starting to feel extreme. I think they actually hate me.
I found out that his mom and dad were trying to dictate where he lives. They told him he was not allowed to get an apartment until they were ready. He went ahead with it anyways. His roommate told his own parents about me being here with V, and then they told V's parents. They threatened to take away his car and stop paying for insurance and cut him off completely. I had to go home for a while. But everyone knows I can't put up with my parents. I was going to be there for months but I coudn't stand it.
His parents would not give him information for his financial aid, (this happened sometime before we were dating I think), and told him they would do it. They set it up so that his financial aid money would get sent to their house. They had joint accounts with him since he was a teenager and check his account balance and activity. They kept complete control over his life. Keep in mind, my boyfriend is 19 years old. I am still sometimes on the fence about how normal this is because I can understand how parents are so concerned for their children and he is their only child, but it seems to be getting out of their control and they are trying as hard as they can to hold onto him. It may not be my place, but I think 19 is a good time to start to let go.
Last weekend they told him that if he came to visit me at my parents, they would take away his car. His car wouldn't be as important if he hadn't just gotten himself a job that he needs to drive to. The job is essential if he wants any independence and they know it. He also secured us an apartment for in December.
He has a friend I am actually pretty fond of, as far as boyfriend's bffs go. I will call him T for now. T has a two room apartment with his sister and her fiance. They are changing colleges at the end of the semester and asked us to take over the lease for them. So we are going to move in half way through December. That means I will have a home by Christmas. Even if my boyfriend loses his job, his financial aid will cover rent, so this isn't an if, it's a when. This is a promise to me that can't really be broken. I will finally have a home, maybe not my own room, but an actually place to belong where my name can be on the lease and I won't be able to be kicked out unless no one pays rent. It feels good.
Luckily, my boyfriend did the last few things I needed to feel secure. His parents cannot affect my future if they can't control his. I felt like they had some control over me but they can't interfere with us getting an apartment unless they somehow keep him from being able to withdraw money from his bank accounts, which they have access to. So I asked V to do these two, last things for me. He got his own bank account without his parents names on them. These are bank accounts they can't touch. Then, he went to the financial aid office and changed the address on the papers so that any financial aid money comes here, at the dorms where he lives. They don't know yet. But it doesn't matter.
I feel like I have covered everything. I do not like people who try and control other people. I also do not like people who try and control me.
They told him, knowing I was listening, that they did not care if I was homeless and on the streets as long as I wasn't here with him. They told him that all of this stuff about me should have set alarms going off in his head. Being a dropout and having bipolar disorder, they said, would have set anyone else running in the other direction.
You haven't been hated until you have been discriminated against for who you are, for your mistakes and your health disorders, for things you cannot change, for the parts of yourself that you can't change and will never be able to ignore. It's okay when people call me fat or stupid because I can change the way I look and I know I am intelligent, lies do not bother me. It's the truth that really cuts deep. It will forever fascinate me how people who have it all, think nothing of those they run down in their path.
But I will be strong, and I will get through this. It's hard to hear, but I know who I am, and what I am, and I know that I am not worthless, and I am not the person they want me to be so that they can look down their noses at me. I know my worth and I don't have to let anyone take that away from me. His parents don't matter. I am secure in knowing that I am loved, and that I will be taken care of. That's what matters.

2 comments:

  1. That's terrible that they said such things to you!!! Gah that makes me so damn angry and I'm sooo so pleased you will have a place for Christmas :) your bf seems to really care for you! I'm so glad for you :) x

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    1. Thanks Rayya!
      He is good for me. Makes me mad too sometimes but I try not to think about them.
      It's amazing to hear from you again! :)

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