I came to visit my parents for a few weeks. I think I am in a state of dissociative anxiety or something. Nothing feels real and I can't get back to reality. I feel like I am in a big movie theater and everyone around me is moving around on a screen and they can talk to me and I can talk back but I feel so disconnected.
It's very strange.
Anyways, due to that I think, I decided to lose weight and it just happened and it feels way too easy. I weighed myself about eleven days ago at around 165.2 pounds. I know I was higher than that on a day before that. Maybe it was water weight. Today, or I guess yesterday, I weighed myself at 155.8 pounds. I have lost about ten pounds. I stopped eating as much. I decided I HAD to be skinny. I started eating just fruits and things, and then I started to eat maybe two different meals a day, like say, some fruit earlier on and maybe something else later.
I failed a few days and ate too much, but I added it up and rounded up and came up with 1400 or less I think. I didn't count much though, maybe to estimate. I didn't weigh myself either. I summed up the motivation and kept going. After eating two things a day, I went down to one. That day, I ate a little drum stick and a little bigger piece of chicken and that was it. Then on Sunday, I ate nothing all day. Nothing. I waited to eat until yesterday afternoon and I had a bowl of cereal, which felt like way too much because I added a little more cereal afterwards to soak up the milk. It seems like such a large bowl of cereal. I haven't slept yet either.
But I can't believe I lost so much, and yet, I wish I had lost more. And I am going to try and lose a few more before V gets here to bring me home on Friday. But I have four days. I would have to lose more than one pound a day to get under 150. But if I can do that, I will be about 13 pounds away from my low weight.
I maintained at around 140-145 all last winter and I felt amazing. This time I will do better. I will go lower, but if I can get down there around where I was at my lowest weight, I will feel so accomplished. I really can achieve anything.
Right now I am 18.8 pounds off from my lowest weight of 137. Before, it was almost thirty. I feel so close. I can't give up now.
Ten whole pounds!