Thursday, June 27, 2013

I've never felt so pathetic in my life. Actually, I have and that just makes me feel worse.
H broke up with me at the end of 8 months together. Me and my current boyfriend just hit our 8 month anniversary and I am just waiting for him to realize I'm not worth it. It doesn't help that I have no life and no friends and so I have nothing to pass the hours and am left to face my own misery head on, not being able to avoid depressing thoughts that beat me down to a whimpering fool by the end of the first ten minutes of my day.
This is stupid. How do I let myself get this way? I need to get back in contact with my friends and get something going in my life again.
I am also waiting for the old man and K to clean the apartment fully, (I would help if I only knew how), so that the hot water heater can get fixed, and the air conditioner, and get a new laundry/pool key. Perhaps then I will be able to go swimming every day. Some exercise could do me a load of good.
I keep trying to think of a way out when really I should be thinking of ways to cope.
I'm just living off of low waves where no matter how much I talk myself through something, I just can't keep going. Bipolar disorder sucks.
Also, I found out I had only lost one pound since six days ago and binge ate today. Not badly, but bad enough. I suppose 157.6 pounds isn't too bad, considering I have been stuck above 160 for a while now.
Stay thin everyone. <3

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