Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I feel like the world is crashing down around me. My bf wants to break up. We haven't but he wants to. He feels like I am too overbearing and emotional and he doesn't want to deal with me anymore. I don't blame him.
It's just like my last relationship all over again. And I can't tell him how terrible I feel because that would defeat the purpose. And so I feel so alone. I am just sitting here with quiet tears running down my face because I know I can't handle life. I've never been able to.
It terrifies me to have to get up every day and survive for every minute. I don't want to face any of this anymore. I know that makes me a coward but I don't care anymore. I can't live with this fear. I can't do it anymore.
I wish I had something to swallow right now because I would. I would swallow every last one of my bipolar pills and try and end this. And everyone hates me for the way I am but I don't care because I hate myself too. And nothing and no one can fix the way I am. No one can help me. Everyone just gives up on me. I can never have kids. I would not be able to deal with them. I can't even deal with myself. How am I ever supposed to have a happy relationship?

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