Saturday, May 4, 2013

So it is Saturday and I came back to the apartment yesterday. I am coping alright but my ex keeps trying to feed me. He even bought me a ton of food yesterday off of his food card even though I still had a little bit left on mine.
When I left, the scale there said I was 149 pounds so I had managed to lose another pound. This morning I weighed myself on the scale here. It is digital and about five pounds too high. This means that although I weighed in at 153.1 pounds, on the other scale I would be more like 148.1 pounds. I am not entirely sure though.
I am starting to doubt exactly how far behind this scale is. I mean, last time I was weighed at the doctors, I was wearing all my clothes and my shoes and that gave me an extra five to ten pounds. Maybe the one at my bf's is way off after all. Besides, normal people don't measure themselves naked. I only do it because then I can tell exact differences. If I always weighed myself in clothes and had a different outfit every day each weighing different amounts of extra weight, how would I ever be able to see the accurate difference?
So I am thinking that I should use the numbers on this scale. The other scale, even if it is more accurate takes off five pounds anyways and I don't want to just go with whichever one makes me happy. I just wish I knew how to calibrate the digital scale here. If I had any money I would get myself a new one but I don't.

So, I am going to say that since I lost five pounds while I was there, I would have weighed in at 160 at my heaviest on the scale here. That is horrifying, but that means that I have lost about 7 pounds so far. I promised myself I would dye my hair again once I reached 150. I passed it on that other scale, so I got D to buy me some new hair dye. I feel bad about that because he can't really afford anything right now. He is basically broke and jobless.
Once I get below 150 on this scale, I will let myself dye my hair platinum blond. My hair is already fairly blond but I hate the yellowy orange in it.

In conclusion, (because I know all the numbers I wrote are super confusing and all over the place), I have lost 7 pounds. I am at 148.1 pounds. That is the number I am going to settle on. And once I get below 145, (which would be 150 on the scale here), then I will reward myself for losing 10 pounds by dying my hair. My ex, H, won't be back until late tonight or early tomorrow morning because he is at his game night. I think he will most likely go right to sleep once he gets back so I won't have to deal with him trying to get me to eat.

I am getting a bit lonely, and for me that can get dangerous. My bf D hasn't talked to me since last night when I think I may have pissed him off and it is making me quite anxious. He promised to talk to me every day I was gone so that I wouldn't feel so lonely but he never keeps that promise and it is already 5 in the afternoon and he hasn't contacted me once. Wow that sounded pathetic...
D has his whole world for him there and I am out in this terrible place. Last night I was talking to Old Man and I said, "it isn't that bad here-" and he interrupted me to say, "Yes it is. It's terrible here. It's disgusting and it's a mess everywhere and..."
He's kind of right. It sucks here. We ALL want to get out of here.

Now I think I am off to get some coffee...

1 comment:

  1. I've always weighed naked, first thing in the morning, after I've peed. That's the most accurate weight to me. I weigh throughout the day to see fluctuations but the weigh-in that counts is first thing in the morning. I always thought it was stupid that they weigh you with clothes and sneakers on at the doctors office!

    As far as D is concerned, you just have to get out of your own head! I'm really clingy to my bf and I tend to make problems out of nothing. I worry because I over-analyze. Except when it comes to D's mom... she's proven herself to NOT be on your team. I wouldn't trust much of what she says. But that's not the case with D. Try not to let your mind wander too far. xx