Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I was doing so well. I feel like I have a limited number of motivated days before I just have to hunker down and try to maintain. I feel like K just wasted one of them.
I was still at 500 calories, when she came in and asked what I had eaten today. She pressured me into eating something, I opted for a small whole wheat bagel with some apple butter.
Whole wheat bagel- 110 calories
Apple butter- 45
Total- 155
I was fine. I was perfectly alright. I was done. But no, K decided to literally feed my like a baby some of her cheesy noodles that were too spicy. I feel a bit sick. I had no chance to go and throw them up or I would have. I am estimating it was an extra 300 calories!
Now I am at more like 955 calories which to me is already over 1000. It was out of my hands but I feel like I could have done more, and now I just feel like a fat fuck up. I feel like my day is wasted. I tried to go outside for a walk but right now I feel like someone shoved knives down my throat because I walked in the cold. Wait, no one is here right now... It is probably too late already. Fuck life.
I want to lose weight, and I want to lose weight now. I WILL do better tomorrow.

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