Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I haven't eaten since this morning when I had a few pieces of pizza. Afterwards I walked to the park and threw at least one of those pieces up in the park bathroom, which of course no one was in sight of because of the rain.
I haven't had anything to eat since then. There is nothing I want to eat. I am starving but I have no appetite. I have had maybe 600 calories max. I won't be eating anything else before going to bed.
I am sick of being sick. Everything but fruits and veggies make me sick as far as I know so I am going vegan. I hate this place. I haven't been able to take a shower since Friday. I won't be able to take a shower until late Thursday night or Friday. Gross.
The water heater is still out.
When Ia m hungry for so long I start to be able to hit those lows I used to hit again. It feels like home. I probably shouldn't love it so much, but who can help who or what they love anyways? I don't care either way. I want to be tiny.
Average is not good enough.
Slim is not good enough.
Skinny is not good enough.
I will not settle for anything less than what is the best in my head.
I am so motivated.
Hopefully in the morning I will be less than 156.5 pounds. That's what I was a few days ago. I wonder even what I am now. I am terrified by the idea that maybe I gained back the one and a half pounds that I lost. I don't want to be anywhere near 160.
I am excited that I have made it this far though. I really am.
I got to the point where 600 calories is too much, and I won't touch anything more for the day. Amazing.

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