Friday, April 12, 2013

The first day of summer is technically June 21st.
I guess that gives me a good amount of time to lose the weight. However, I do not have money for a summer wardrobe. I never had any good summer clothes before because my mom always shopped at the thrift store all of my teenage years at least. Somehow my younger sisters all got new clothes though.
I have one little pair of shorts, maybe a black one hidden away somewhere but I don't know where. I got the black one last year and the newer one is from a few weeks ago. It's little and blue and I made sure to get it in a smaller size so that I would be forced to lose weight in order to fit into it.
I have a UTI and it sucks but I refuse to go to the doctor. I have some antibiotics and some cranberry juice, and I am drinking lots of water.
I am actually kind of grossed out sometimes by my current bf. Is that weird?
I swear he excretes some kind of odor in his sleep and when his head is turned in my direction, he breathes death breath into my face. I know this isn't very nice but it is tiring. I can't remember the last time I had my own bed.
My dad called me to ask me to do some cartoon work for a presentation for him.  I drew out three pages of drawings and he wants at least two major changes to each sheet. I don't know if I will even get around to it. It is miserable to finally sum up enough energy to get something done and then nothing about it is right. The coloring has to be a certain way, and I have to redraw half of it which means that there will be marks where to old drawings were and so it will look crappy. But I am not just going to redraw all of the drawings. Hell no. It is very frustrating.
It felt like, "This looks great and you are an amazing artist, but I hate everything about it. Do it over." He didn't really say that exactly but he might as well have. Either way he paid for a phone card for me- not the unlimited one of course- and is willing to pay me a measly $20 for my work. It took me a good hour or two to draw up the first drawings. To fix them up will take another hour and I'm sure the inking and coloring will take another two hours. Maybe that is an exaggeration of my time, but that is still maybe $4 an hour.
Besides that, I don't have much if any respect for my dad and I wonder why that is? He's always treated me like this.
I missed my sister's birthday. She turned ten and I wasn't there. I was going to do an experiment and so since Easter or earlier, I have decided not to call my mom and wait until she contacts me. It's been several weeks now. She never called on Easter, and she never called on my sister's birthday. She didn't call for the last family birthday either when another of my sisters turned 16. I came over on her birthday on my own only to find out that they had celebrated her birthday the day before and there was no cake left and they had forgotten to tell me.
Sometimes it feels like my family died and someone forgot to tell me.

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