I need to start making money. Even if that involves just buying a trailer and finding a place to park it, that is a foreseeable way for me to live on my own. I can have independence that way. I can never get my own apartment without a documented job to provide proof of income, but I can get a little trailer and have my things around me and live my own way.
I don't think my bf will even be able to pay me back the $150-200 I have helped him out with over the time we have known each other. I no longer even have enough emergency money in my bank to take care of my own phone card this month if, as I suspect is true, my bf cannot afford to pay for it like he promised. My phone is $50 for unlimited per month. His is $100 but he refuses to change it because he likes the luxury of his broken down smart phone. It should be called an idiot phone for as much as I care for it.
I have stopped believing that anyone else but me can get me out. I am tired of relying on someone who in fact is perfectly unreliable. I will never feel safe until I am independent and can make things happen for myself.
I am planning on going out to get my book published, but first I need to start up some kind of website to sell my drawings. My book may take years to get popular enough to make me any money but my drawings can at least give me a very small income. Even a few dollars is more than I have now though.
Once I do get it started up, I will make a post on it, offering for any of you who are interested to get a chance to see my website. Since I need to make the website in my real name and I am pretty paranoid about anyone connecting my real identity on this website, I will ask for an email and email you the address of my website.
This should be okay, because I know that seeing as I don't show many drawings or advertise them on here, only the people who really care for me as a person will want to look at any drawings. I can trust someone who comes to me in this manner to know who I really am.
I want to be great one day, and even if it is just a pipe dream, this life is a whole different life, the one I talk about on here. I am so open and trusting of my readers not to judge. I have done some very stupid and reckless things and talked about some very personal things on here, and connecting that to any image at all that may come out to the public would be terrible. Even so, a family member may be the only to make connection and that wouldn't be good either.
I need to start soon though, and I would like to start now. Perhaps very soon I can have a site up and running to sell my drawings. I hope that for the first time maybe, I can make a step towards independence and any semblance of happiness- successfully.