I feel fat, fat, and more fat. I feel ugly.
Today my bf bought me hair bleach and I got my bright colors to put in my hair but I haven't done it yet. I almost feel like I am too fat to try to make myself look better. I would just look like a colorful blob. He also let me buy about $50 in make up. He doesn't make much but he got like, $300 for his tax return. I don't feel like I can wear that right now anyways. I try so hard and eat like, nothing, but I still can't lose. I don't know what it is... My metabolism should be great.
I told H (my ex, but a good friend now) that I was fat and he said I wasn't. D says I'm not fat either. So I told him, "maybe I'm not fat but I'm not skinny."
"You are skinny."
"Well, even if I was, skinny isn't good enough. I don't want to be skinny. I want to be bony." By their standards, even my skinniest form of fat would be bony. I need to be the littlest.