Sunday, September 2, 2012

This is a really stupid question to ask but does anyone know my low weight? It should be somewhere in my last month or so of posts but I can't find it. I remember getting below 150 but I can't remember an exact number with a decimal to mark it with. I usually keep track but this time somehow I didn't...
I want to know when I hit a new low weight so I can feel accomplished when I do. I guess if I hit below 145 that would be a new low weight, but now I want to know the exact number. Boo.
Eh. I'll look again later. I don't have time now. :/
148.4 pounds this morning. I don't feel good at all but I have to take the bus to work today and walk a ways. My computer says it is 67 degrees F outside but I am not sure... The high is 76 for today. Hey that's not that bad actually considering we have been in the 80's and 90's lately. I am glad I looked now.
Anyways. My stomach is very upset still and I am not actually sure it is dehydration anymore. It might have been the coffee from yesterday with dairy in it...
Okay so here is my complete honesty about yesterday.
Solid food's I ate- Some kind of bacon and cheddar mashed potato that comes from a package- it said it was 200 calories. I only ate this because I was feeling incredibly sick and didn't want to have to eat something this morning and screw up my entire day, just so that I wouldn't pass out at work. H actually pretty much forced me to eat it.
Besides that, the only thing I had was a coffee that the old man got me that looked slushy based. I have no clue how many calories that was but I am not extremely worried as I did lose about a pound since yesterday and I really feel as if crushed ice made up a lot of it, which is just more water into my system and besides that it was a liquid.
I haven't eaten anything today at all, like my plan, and it works remarkably well. I mean, I will have to see how much control I have once my card gets refilled because last time I went crazy with it, but I like my new plan of walking to the store and making my limit $7. Then I can get an expensive snack, diet food snack, or really any snack, and a drink which is usually a few dollars, and that would be it for the day and my total may be high, but if I am careful I can still make it less than 1500 calories. If it is below that, I think I will lose weight because mathematically... eh never mind.
Also, because I am allowing myself to eat something, like I said the other day, I will not feel as if every food I eat is not allowed, and won't go on a crazy binge, craving it.
It is working so far. But another pound or so and I will be right where I got before when I binged my way back up. I must make sure to keep myself completely under control and in check.
After today, I only work Thursday this week. Tuesday I get to look for apartments again. I don't know what I will do the other days but I must find a way to keep myself busy. I want a camera so I can take a ton of pictures and show everyone everything.
My phone is filled up on pictures and it doesn't take very clear ones anyways. I may have a friend who can let me borrow one but I hate borrowing because then I am always owing it to them back. I hate that I haven't finished this painting I promised to H too. I feel as if, if I finished it, I can finally leave and not have any attachments to him. I wouldn't owe him anymore. Maybe the world will let me leave once I finish it.
Also, this guy from work said it would be fun to dress me up in a ton of outfits and take pictures of me in different situations around town. I should be creeped out but it sounds fine to me. I mean, I never had anyone to take pictures of me anywhere or in anything, so then I can lose weight and have good, full body pictures of myself. And then I can share them with all of you as thinspo. The issue is finding a ton of cute clothes though lol. I am sure I can put SOMETHING together...
Okay I need to go take a shower and start to get ready. Love you all.
Let's do our best!
My enthusiasm has gone down, everyone is asleep so I have no one to talk to online, and H and his dad have gone to the store and it feels like they have been gone an awfully long time. K is still at her mom's.
I am super dehydrated too. I think that's what it is anyways. 64 degrees outside and the window is open and the fan blowing through it and I am overheating. And my head hurts, I am dizzy, nauseous... But then again... All I have had today is a coffee that the old man wanted to get me. Saw two friends today. Talked a lot...
My excitement has calmed down enough that I am worried. Not depressed, but worried. It suddenly feels a little alone but not quite lonely. I am trying to force down some water. Sip here, sip there.
My card gets filled today or tomorrow... I have to work again today. Keep in mind, today is the second now.
I am worried with all this enthusiasm and good spirits, something super awful is going to happen...
Oh well.
Love you all!
I have faith in you!
Let's try our hardest.