Sunday, August 19, 2012

He just came back tonight and already I have had several panic attacks although not in front of him thank god. It just suddenly feels so painful the things he told people I don't even know, behind my back in one of the most painful times of my life. And then they all encouraged him to break up with me. Why is this still so painful?
I just want to forget about all of it including him. I don't want to be playing this game with him. I don't want to play something that isn't a game to me. Maybe if I can keep telling myself not to play the game, I can get through another day. But all I can think, is, "I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this..." And I know as soon as he gets back on the computer I will go straight back into panic mode. It's already way too late and I have to work in the morning. This is going to be stressful as hell. Fucking asshole. I don't want to do this anymore...