Thursday, July 26, 2012

H decided to go to R's tomorrow which I really don't mind either way because I don't know what to think now, but he said he would be back after gaming on Saturday which is somewhat believable. Also I have seen R's apartment and I know how disgusting it is, and know H won't be enjoying that at all as he has made it clear. The bathroom has toilet paper and waste on the floor, hair all over the sink and the mirror and the cat litter int here needs cleaned... The kitchen has molding, rotting food everywhere and no clean dishes, food half opened and left spilled all over the stove and the floor... The living room has trash everywhere and pizza crusts and it smells like a sewer in that apartment.
He actually offered to go there to see if R has stolen my mp3. He said he could make it "disappear".
The funny thing is, R would probably post on Facebook that someone stole his "new" mp3 player. If he did, I would just post "weird, someone stole mine too... Maybe there is an mp3 thief around..."
Idk if he really did steal it or not though. I hope he didn't in a way because that would mean I would have to hold down a lot of anger and revulsion at him. As long as I live here, it is best if I stay nice and unassuming or my things could go missing or mysteriously break, and rumors could spread... more than they already do thanks to R...
On the other hand, I do hope he took it because otherwise it got stolen by someone else and I will never get it back. Or it is seriously missing in this apartment, and judging by how hard I have been searching for it... I'm screwed.
I just know that the last time I saw it was when I put it down after my bike ride when R was here last. And H said that R was complaining about his mp3 dying or something. Sigh. If R took it, all my music was wiped and my new headphones are gone. Not cool.
Sigh...
I thought H was over me and then I found out different and I'm not sure where to go from there. Also he has been nicer than ever the last few days, in a way that scares me. Nothing can or will happen until either he gets a job or we get out or both.
To be honest, the most logical candidate for a roommate is actually H. This is because I know he won't invite friends or other untrustworthy people over, he respects my privacy more than anyone I know, and he does not steal things. Also, it would be my apartment, my rules. But first I have to get another job...
Gah my life...
So, earlier I decided to call work to see what my schedule was. The boss lady got very angry with me and starting yelling about how I'm not supposed to call and check my work schedule because if someone gives it to me wrong it's my fault and my responsibility, and then she went on about how it wasted people's times. She didn't mention what she wanted me to do instead, but she said I was not allowed to do it again.
So wtf???
Does she want me to go all the way to work on Thursdays to check what days I work??? Does she want me to show up in whatever outfit and walk into the back to check it with my own two eyes???
I can't just walk into the work place without work wear on, but I don't work that day so what's the point? Am I supposed to ask the front desk person to check my schedule? That wastes people's time too. Another employee told me it was okay to call and check my schedule if I don't work that day. She said she does it...
So what's going on here???
I did not know what day I even work next so it was impossible to just check the next time I went in to work. So I panicked a bit. Now I am even wondering what to do about my paycheck. Am I supposed to go in tomorrow on another day I don't work to get it? Or is it okay to wait until Sunday when I work next???
I had just finished binge eating when I called so I stressed out, and binge ate more. I haven't been pushed to an anxiety attack for a few weeks and I hate that this woman, if you should even call her that, can stress me out so much that I panic. I hate that she talks down to me in such a disrespectful tone.
I really honestly don't know what to do. I asked H but he didn't have any suggestions so now I feel sick not knowing what to do. Most places post work schedules online. This place does not.
WHAT DO I DO???
I want a fucking set schedule. I hate working on any day they tell me to the week before. I can't make doctor's appointments or make plans with friends. I have been working three days a week, but never on the same days. I have worked at least once on every fucking day for the week. This job sucks. But I have to put up with it...
I want to die. This is miserable...
I am having a great time with H and a horrible time with food. I haven't binged like this in at least a year. I am going to gain so many pounds overnight that I worked so hard to lose...
Nothing even set me off emotionally. Just for some reason my appetite has come back and has been pushing me mercilessly towards food...
Sigh.
I am so confused right now...