Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Shame on me. I realized you can't get change on the bus and I need enough for two bus passes so I went to the mini mart and got six pieces of candy so I could get change for a five. My change got me at least three more quarters and three one dollar bills so I can use the extra three quarters in my purse and get at least three bus passes out of that. Please shoot me. I won't be throwing away the candy. They are low or no fat content and a small amount of calories each I think and I will save some for tomorrow. Also, when I went in for my interview today the lady offered me a free soda and I only asked for water after she persisted. I may end up being pressured into eating food there because I believe free food is considered a perk for this job and so I will just have to get what I am comfortable with and make that all I eat for the day when I do. I usually take fries over a burger when I go out to eat and that is a plus. With all the walking to and from I will be doing- or biking- I should burn enough calories to be okay.
Now that it is getting closer to bed time I am getting increasingly nervous and so I might take another anxiety pill before bed so I don't wake up panicked. Orientation is several hours and I hope I don't bug them by asking too many questions because with ADD it is hard to listen and be attentive for hours and do well. Hopefully the anxious part of me will make me more attentive than if I were in a situation like school where I am comfortable by day two or three. I know I will do find once I am used to it after a few days, but until then I am nervous as hell and will probably be taking the anxiety med before bed.
Thanks for the tips Emma Phoenix and Rayya. I do have trouble getting past my anxiety to smile but I did that surprisingly well today. I have no face piercings, my hair is just long enough to get into a ponytail even though I have to use bobby pins to keep it up. I usually don't wear more make up than a little gray eye shadow, eyeliner on the top lash and mascara. I feel safe now lol. Love you girls so much right now!
So my friend just decided to buy me a bike from the thrift store and fix it up a bit for me. How sweet! He is the friend who was my brother's friend first? Yeah carrot top. That's him. He's going to college for being a mechanic or something along those lines so I'm not worried about the turnout. He even asked if I would rather  road or mountain bike lol. He said it was because he remembered my love language. For those of you that do not know what I am talking about by "love language"-
And here they are:

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

I am pretty fluent in all of these so to speak but when I took the text in the book, I found out mine are Receiving gifts, and Physical touch. My sisters make me drawings- the little toddlers and kindergartners, second grader sisters... and even if I can't figure out what the picture is I can't throw them away ever. x.x
At the bottom of the page from the link above^ there is a "take an assessment" option. Anyone who is interested I would love for you to take the test and comment what your language(s) is/are. Most people have just one, but I got exact equal scores in these two and the others were only 1 or 2 behind in scores.
These help with friendships, love life, family relationships... if you know someone's love language you can make them very happy. I don't know if it's just a mom thing, but my mom's love language is acts of service. She is very happy when people clean up or do things for her without being asked. :)
Try it!
Hey guys, so I did the interview... and I got the job!
They have short sleeve uniforms to wear so Idk what to do about the scars...
And I am terrified of jinxing it because I may have blurted out "Oh my gosh you have no idea how much i needed this job! Thank you so much! I was at risk for getting homeless again!" After she told me to come do orientation tomorrow... Will that get me fired right off? >.<
I think it is full time because the lady said no one else had interviewed that day and they were short four team members... Wendy's team member is a full time job right? But yeah. I am terrified of messing up before I start working and screw up the entire thing...
I'm not telling any of my friends until I start working... K knows but H will have to find out only if someone else tells him. I blurted it to another friend but he doesn't know any of my other friends...
The second interviewer gave me a really weird look when I said I could easily walk the 3.5 miles up there in the middle of the night if I have to, because it looks like I will be getting a night shift- super Yay. I wanted night shift but didn't realize Wendy's would have one. AND she asked if I would still be able to work if I decided to go to college in the fall. I am set!
Thank you so much all of you for supporting me through this entire struggle. I would appreciate advice and what to do and what not to do's in the fast food department please! I am scared of working but my friend says it's easy. It's my first job!
*Need to breathe* and while I'm at it I should take my medicine for the ear thing...
The place I applied to emailed me and said to set up an interview and gave me a link. I had to click on one of four times in the next four hours so I took the last so my mom would have time to take me, after asking her first by the way. I am being considerate of her. She just found out a few of her friends from high school died like, twenty years ago and was balling over the phone. :/ Poor mommy <3
My interview is at 3:30 PM. They said they may allow several people at once to sign up for one interview slot and it would be on a 'first come-first serve' basis which scares me. It seems like a lot of hard work to even get the interview. A little scared here...
On the other hand... I GOT AN INTERVIEW!!!
Now I just have to manage to not screw up the questions. I have to have confidence and speak maturely and intelligently. Sit straight, no picking at my nails or hair. I will wear make up... have to cover up my scars I am thinking, but how...
If it's too hot a long sleeved jacket will look awkward and I can't have that... makeup doesn't always cover them eh...
I know K will help me :)
So, I went to the doctors and apparently I really do have something wrong with my ear... something about the stuffs that keeps my balance dysfunction... anyways. He has me on some kind of steroid thing for extreme allergies and the like. Should be gone after the full week of pills...
Also I have some anxiety meds- to take as needed. Thank God at least I have that. They are supposed to make me drowsy too. Anyone else hate panicking when you are supposed to be sleeping and it's miserable and you just want to be unconscious for it? Yeah. That's how it will work now.
R came over, not my plan, I was slightly stressing about it. Now the old man has taken him back and H went along for the ride. H is still pathetically hopping around on one foot, but it's still under debate whether he will come back or not. I will say this though, H called out "Goodbye *insert my name here*" very loudly, even though I had been ignoring him and I did not reply. I am pretty disgusted with him actually. His body odor earlier was so awful I could smell him from forever away and it smelled like vinegar it was so bad. He tackled me to the bed earlier and looked into my eyes like he never does. But I am put off, and it isn't just the smell.
I know I meant to never read his phone again, but he was in the other room and had left his phone right where I could read it without ever getting caught... didn't think there would be anything in there- I was wrong. Something from before he went to his friends I think- "I'm going to throw *Venus* out the window."
His friend aka size 3- "She deserves it after breaking your controller lol."
Also, this married girl who is almost homeless, he's been talking to her a lot lately. It's the girl who made him cry because she strung him along all during high school. He hasn't seen her in years and yet somehow he is still that desperate. It looks as if the middle part of the conversation is gone. One text is like, "I am sorry I am feeling things I really shouldn't be."
There was something about understanding her situation and he understood boundaries or something. Then a text about "did you like the picture?" I don't even want to know. But I am sickened nonetheless.

Oh wow. H didn't come back. Wait until he figures out R won't wait on him hand and foot and he has no ice there. Big mistake. Asshole. Sorry to sound like a broken record but I am SOOOOOO tired of this.
I want a job. I want to not live here. I want H to get what he deserves, the lonely, desperate, pathetic bastard.
Now he's gone so all the blame for certain foods being gone is directed completely at me. H's dad was already mad at me for eating all his cereal, which H told me to eat without telling me whose it was.
I'm going to take a pill for my sudden panic attack and go to bed girls.
And when I wake up I'm going to be fatter.