Monday, June 25, 2012

I was just shuffling around in there and realized what I thought I had lost was right where I left it. So I was mumbling about being stupid and left the room and he calls me back and says, "Don't put yourself down." I just stood there like wha...? And then he adds, "You are not stupid." So I was like thanks, reservedly, and left. I might be liking this respect... But you and I both know it won't last.
Slightly stunned right here...
Eh thank you new follower :)
I might have a fear of 13 though (not particularly in the mood to explain at the moment but...) and this is my thirteenth follower. You are welcome regardless :)
Um, had to eat some hamburger helper though. Forced it down. Feel like puking and I mean like my stomach is putting up protest. Awful amount of calories I imagine. It tasted like too many calories. You know that taste... After being nothing more than business towards H, he sits me down- twice, to hug me and ask if I am okay and thank me again. I actually said, "what is this? Physical contact? What a strange device..." That's actually how I felt to be honest. When no one so much as glances your way for weeks and then suddenly hugs you, you would be quite mystified (and perhaps tear up a little) too. But I stayed cool, wiggled out of his grasp into this room and he has left me alone. So guess what he's doing? Playing a game.
I can't believe he actually tugged at my shirt and had me sit on the floor next to me, and on the second hug, whether to bug me or because he needed it I don't know- he put his chin on my head and perhaps... sniffed my hair...? I know he's done it before but all I could do was say, "I think I need a bath" literally thinking out loud actually...
Meh. Last night he slept out in the living room in the chair so he wouldn't roll over and bother his foot. It also elevated his foot. If he does that again tonight, I might be able to sleep but I can't say I was happy without the company. I find myself feeling a bit from both sides now, which is definite progress considering before I was only wishing I could want him gone.
I ended up eating pepperoni pizza last night. H and his dad brought it home and just shoved two pieces at me. I could have refused but the idea of pizza was so good I didn't say anything, even though I was too busy panicking through the whole thing that I tasted nothing. I might as well have been eating ashes.
I didn't gain but I didn't lose either.
I haven't eaten anything yet today but H is here so I know I will. He's been super nice to me all morning except right now I don't exist because he is playing a game- of course- and the reason he's been nice? Because I am acting distant and uncaring. I don't look at him, I don't smile at him, I don't give him the satisfaction of caring for him. It's what he has done to me.
My fish tank filter isn't working. The fish can hardly see their food at the top it's so foggy. Poor fishes. If it doesn't clear up soon, I don't know what I'll do. Fish could get sick easily but I have no money for a new filter. I really love my fishes...