Saturday, June 23, 2012

Hey guys, I just remembered I am getting my own food card this time. The one I share with H is about to run out. It should last me six months, refilling on about the third of every month. I have decided not to buy any food all at once like most people. I will walk down to the store if I want anything, and whatever I buy I have to be able to carry back. Hopefully that will help me eat less. I will try and go and get just a few pieces of fruit or something when I am hungry. Then I can spend all my money on drinks so I can fast again. I am just afraid H will get angry at me when he sees I am doing this. If I have food available at the house, he will not be angry, but he will if I don't. I am hoping I can just say, "I'm hungry, I'm going to the store" and come back and say I ate what I had and have the fruit. He shouldn't be too suspicious if i get lots of soda. It will encourage him to think because soda is bad that I am eating enough... until he sees the weight disappearing... I'm afraid he will-
Holy shit he just came back! Oh I think his dad brought him... no surprise there. He has lazy friends I guess. And he's limping. Fuck. I don't want to deal with this still...
This is actually my 300th post.
I was just wondering why exactly pro-ana evolved into an online community instead of something else. Has it never occurred to anyone else to meet up with other pro-ana's in their area. Has anyone else ever met another pro-ana girl face to face? perhaps it's best that way.
But I mean, how weird would it be to start up secret pro-ana communities/clubs in your own hometowns? Smaller girls could volunteer to create special thinspo videos or pictures (voluntary being the key word), and larger girls could see what they could become.
I guess that would blow up though wouldn't it? Smaller girls accusing bigger ones of being wannabe's and bigger ones feeling like shit over the little ones... I don't know. I think if one had the right combination of girls who were willing to work together as a TEAM, it could be something very helpful. More like a network almost. So, suppose, one girl was in need of some time with a friend, and another girl in the network did too, you get time with someone who understands you, and you don't have to hide anything from these friends because they understand. That was just an example. It's neat in theory but who knows, because it would never happen, would it? Would anyone else want to be in a group like this in theory?
I guess it depends on how far in you are. Perhaps it will drive it home to the lot of us what our friends and family are losing by us being this way, because we would then have friends like that too. Perhaps it would push those of us who need to, to recover... Very few ana girls don't know what is happening to them, and then don't know that it isn't exactly a positive thing. We twist it in our heads, but somewhere in us we know. Or maybe it's just me?
I haven't eaten since my cereal binge this morning. I'm doing good.
This is why I want to be skinny by new years.