Friday, June 8, 2012

Hey guys. I have had a very off day. It started off crappy because I blew up and so everyone blew up back at me. I was stressed out because of my social anxiety and I had my very first interview this morning. One should always be confident when it comes to interviews but since this is anonomous I must say I don't think I did so well. I felt ugly in the gray suit pants I wore, and somehow I didn't grab my make up getting here so I had to go with just a clean face and my hair which always puffs up. It's not cool to have puffy hair when you are blond, or ever. I am hoping it will grow out and turn into a good thing.
Later, H seemed very upset, and he told me I should go back to the apartment because he needed space. I asked if I could stay here anyways and he agreed albeit very angrilly. I kept a cool head though, appologized with a hig and asked how I could make his day better and he got friendly again. I still think he wants space, but when I asked if I should still leave he said I would have nothing to do there anyways, because the enternet was down which means no computer time or TV. I think he's okay with me being here now. Not happy with it exactly, but not pissed anymore either.
We head back there tomorrow. I won't be able to blog for a while. I don't know when it will be put back up. Until K gets back nothing can happen. I keep hearing she's coming back and then she doesn't. Normally that would be a great thing, but now I hear she won't be back until Saturday and the enternet is under her name because she paid for it the first time.
H doesn't have any gaming this weekend for some reason.
Hopefully I get this job but I can't get my hopes up too high. I am all too good at getting depressed because I put such high hopes on the line. My expectations can't always be met, that's just life.

This job could be the difference between me living under a roof, or on the streets. Pray for me, or if you aren't religious, wish me luck and cross your fingers. I need this job.

I don't know how much I weigh, or if I have gained or lost, but it feels like I have done awful. The only thing I don't understand is that I just put on a new pair of size 10 jeans my mom sent me. When I put them on hours ago they seemed tight, and now they feel like they are falling off. I don't know how that could be except maybe they weren't as tight as I originally thought. I am pretty certain that I gained though. All I have had is peanut M'n'M's all day and a tiny bit of vanilla coffee. Then just a while ago H got some mini corn dogs and chicken nuggets (both disgusting, I don't know why I ate them XP). Because I have ADD, or at least I think I do, the coffee actually has an extreme calming affect. It's like I am looking out fom a glass ball where no one can reah me or hurt me. Very good feeling. I don't know if it has that effect because I have ADD or for some other reason, but caffeine doesn't seem to have the same effect. It's the weird bitter taste that helps me. I don't know how.