Scarlett Ana, I wrote this incredibly long embarrassing comment on your blog and then hit send, but of course I forgot that my computer is stupid and won't let me post comments still. So...
Welcome, and welcome to my other new followers that I don't recognize in my list as of today, which I think is AmericanEagleGlove. And , welcome back all the rest of you hopefully.
I am still terribly sorry that I have been gone for so long. I don't know why I wasn't posting, and I'm sorry I have not had the chance to comment on any of your blogs. I am considering just putting my comment in as a post when there is no other option.
So, I wanted to say thank you to Scarlett Ana. Really thanks. I appreciate that you read through my entire blog. That amazes me. I used to do it myself for other people but now I can't even remember what I am saying halfway through a sentence at times.
Anyways, I wanted to say thanks for the happy birthday too, even though you are right about that. It sucked. I've never really had a good birthday myself.
I am curious though. What motivated you to read my blog of all blogs, and then what motivated you to read the entire thing? I noticed that your blog looks fairly new, but your name is hauntingly familiar for some reason. I read all of your posts too.
I am curious to see exactly what you meant about us being very alike. Your true colors and what you are like will become clear through your posts over time. I am excited to see a new blogger around.
If you have read any of my more recent posts, I think it talks a little bit about what you mentioned.
"All the hard and difficult things in your life, I don't have. This makes me feel even worse, because I have no reason to be how I am. I just am."
Even if I didn't have these problems that I have, I would still feel as if I were unhappy for no reason. Sometimes on days when nothing is wrong, even if things go pretty alright I feel down and cannot explain why, which always made me angry at myself because I would just feel that everyone would see it as attention seeking, and then I told myself it was just attention seeking. But the thing is, because of my emotional problems, I will never have that same level of emotional normality that is so common and considered acceptable. Depression is really just unhappiness. Anxiety disorder is really just lots of worry and stress. Bipolar disorder, is really just having happy times and having unhappy times. ADHD is really just an overactive mind, a distracted mind. Doctor's have put names on everything to make them diseases, when really they are just different ways people express emotion, and because being sad too much, or being overly happy or any of these things are not perfect, they are not accepted as okay by society. What I mean to say, is that other people can believe these doctors and discriminate against you for not being like them, but maybe you should try and come to terms with it. You don't have to live by anyone else's standard of living. If we are to consider things like unhappiness to be labelled as "depression" and turned into a disease, that really has no cure, then we are dooming ourselves to an even sadder existence where we are constantly measuring ourselves up to everyone else, believing that we are handicapped and wishing we can be "normal". Sometimes, we will be unhappy for no reason, and we won't be able to explain it, but perhaps we should stop burdening ourselves with finding an answer and having a reason, and something to excuse who we are, and just content ourselves with finding a simple understanding. And the simple understanding is this. Sometimes we will be unhappy, but it will pass. If there was never a happy moment in our lives, we would not know how to be sad and unhappy and angry in the first place. There would be nothing to compare it to. Try and just make yourself comfortable and get by without the anchor to drag you down, which is just the obsessive thought that by being unhappy, you are doing something wrong, or something not normal and that it needs to change. You can't cure depression, you can only make it less detrimental, and learn how to live with it. There must be so many depressed people that drag themselves down with the obsession of being different.
"Why can't I be happy like they are?"
"Will I ever be happy?"
"When is this going to end?" But there are less hopeless things all around you. This goes for everybody who is depressed, unhappy, dissatisfied with life... anything. Sorry, that kind of sounds like preaching. It is my way of coming to terms with the ways I am different from everybody else.
I don't want to "get better", I just want to stop being judged, misunderstood, and I want to be accepted for the way I am. You can't just treat my unhappiness like a disease. I am unhappy in the same way you and everyone else becomes unhappy. Depression is not a disease, and should not be treated like a disease.
Medications muffle the issue, such as numbing the unhappiness, or changing chemicals in your body, but as soon as you are off of them, the same issue is still there, just as before. Why would you have to get off, you might ask? Suppose you have decided to have a child? You can't take these medications while pregnant. But then you have your issues to deal with alongside of the new responsibility Personally, I do not want to have to face that issue. If I work on things by myself, instead of throwing a curtain over my issue, I can work through it until I come to a point where I am managing without the use of drugs, and so I can continue using these problem solving issues and it will not affect any unborn child, or any other major life event that comes my way. This is however, just my own belief for myself. Medications can be very good for a person in different cases. By the way, the comment on the amphetamines- just to clarify, that is my ADHD medication. I can't remember the other name for it and amphetamine is just what I always see on the bottle so I call it that. They are by prescription, and actually a side affect of them is that they lift my mood a lot and make me more enthusiastic about life, which is good for me right now because it is the colder months and I have severe, dangerous depression issues around now. I won't be taking them every winter, but my goal for right now is to make it through this winter better than I handled last winter, which means, I just need to not die lol.
I am learning ways to cope but the amphetamines help me to want to try and cope. And again, they are prescribed to me by a doctor to help with my ADHD.
I guess this is going to be a longish post...
Even when I can't or don't comment, please keep in mind Scarlett, and everyone else, I am a reader. I get on here all the time just to read and catch up and see how everyone is doing. I am the kind of reader who can read fast enough to get through the Harry Potter series in a few days, and I have.
I am always here. If anyone would like to contact me for any reason or get to know me better, by all means, leave an email address or any form of contact information in a comment. I don't publish personal information and I am on my email every day so I will be able to reply fairly quickly, depending on the day. Comments are set up to also come into my mailbox as an email, so I can read them from there. It's really no trouble at all.
Scarlett Ana, I apologize in advance if I misunderstood anything or if I said anything that you did not care for. I can take all of this down if you like. All you have to do is ask. :)
Have a good day everyone!