I'm sitting here binge eating because I can't handle my life right now. Still balancing at 140.
My family just dropped the bomb. They are moving to another state in the spring. I don't know whether to stay or go, but either way I feel fucked.
The only reason I am even staying with D right now is because it feels like he is my only hope for survival. If I dump him and move on, I have to go find a job and support myself and try and get my own apartment. This sucks. If I go with them and am able to see my family ever, I am also starting over with nowhere to go but stay with them. But if I stay here, I may not get to see my family ever, and if things don't work out with D, or if I outlast my stay at the apartment with H and them, I am fucked. I would be homeless and my mom would just say, I can't do anything about it, over the phone when I end up on the streets.
I hate my life. It really does seem pointless right now. There is no place that I feel okay.
D is just making mistake after mistake. Things like making things constantly sexual. Way to make me feel respected. And I can't even share my problems with him anymore because he makes it all about him. If I feel bad, he feels as if he should have done better and then he sits there and hates himself for just being the way he is. I hate it.
I feel seriously sick. I haven't felt well and healthy in probably years now. I can't handle life. I feel like crap...
I see I have more followers, welcome.
Just to make things clear, this isn't a super happy go lucky blog. It's just me being honest. I don't care for pretending to be happy 100% of the time, just so that others don't judge me.
I want to be so tiny by Christmas... I want to be tiny NOW.
My little sister is 14 and she is an inch taller than me now. She is under 125 naturally. I want to be skinnier even than that.