I have taken my medication but I am still feeling pretty depressed. It isn't panic attack depressed and it isn't destructive depressed, just a general low of energy where I don't feel like talking to people, but I am anyways. I am feeling tired of everything I guess. I'm not sure what it is. Loneliness maybe? It's something like that feeling of when I was sitting next to D and I was just in pain in my heart and didn't know why or what to do about it. It didn't have to do with him I don't think.
I think... I am feeling somewhat abused. Everything is just haunting and things feel off.
I had a thought today.
All those times H damaged me by telling me I was immature and needed to grow up? I have seen other people, girls especially at work who are 18 like me, and there is such an incredible gap between us... All that stuff he would say that would stay with me and pull me down has kind of been washed away.
My body may be 18 but I think my mind and heart are a little older. Do I seem 18 to you?
I am actually glad I am not like them though. The first word that comes to mind to describe them is superficial and I'm not sure exactly where to go after that. I have been through so much but I'm not sure if it's even just that...
By the way I don't think I will be eating the rest of the night but that could very well change.
I don't think I would ever be comfortable being happy anyways. All my life I have gotten used to depression and I like it in a way. But I am not sure why I am feeling so off...