Saturday, September 29, 2012

Thank you everyone for your concerns. Thank you lovely bones for the last comment. I know it seems bad right now but I'm not sure I can let go of life right now. To be honest, D is like a rock to me, and without him... I'm not sure I would be resisting so hard. I don't know what will happen with him, and I am curious to see where we go, and he's new and he cares for me a lot. I would break his heart if I decided to go and do something like that. I am waiting to see but...
I have known him really only since the second and yet he's in love with me, and I... I feel connected with him.  
And I don't know why but for some reason I can see him being there in every stage of my life. I'm not sure how I feel towards him but I know that I don't love him, and I'm not sure I will. But I still see us ending up together, happy married couple and every moment up until and after that. It's weird for me and disorienting. I'm afraid he will turn out to be rebound or something...
Anyways. I don't know whether anyone should be worried for me or not as I haven't even really cut or anything dangerous or destructive. It takes too much energy to do something like that anyways lately...
I am looking forward to having an apartment hopefully, and to living with D...
I hope he can clear up his issues without too much trouble.
The promise of change in my future is the only thing keeping me grounded; the promise that I will at least get the chance to try something different, in a new place with a new person, and none of the old worries or problems... But if it doesn't work out, I think I will lose it. I am at the end of my rope as they say, right now.
I did say that I would not do well by around this time if I didn't get out.
I am depressed.

2 comments:

  1. Venus! I am upset.. you havent emailed me in a while and I feel out of the loop with your life?! I am glad you wont do anything self destructive right now, when I was at my lowest curiosity was the only thing keeping me alive.. <3 I want to hear about D i am going to read through your posts to see if I have missed anything.. <3 Love you x

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  2. I'm glad you have him in your life. Everyone needs that one thing to keep them sane and give them a reason to keep going. I'm so glad you've found someone like that. He sounds amazing, like he'll be so supportive and really be there for you.
    I hope things work out with you.
    You have no idea how relieved I am that you're still here.
    Please take care.

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