Tuesday, September 4, 2012

My little sister turns 16 in February.
That is an important birthday, and she is important anyways and I want to do something special, or at least get her something special. She dreams to become a great artist too so I think it rubs her the wrong way when I try to show her my art, which I honestly do not mind. Anyone else, maybe. Her? Let her dream. Drawing isn't my dream anyways.
I am thinking a painting might be acceptable though. I think she is only new at painting and might feel closer to drawing anyways. I have always felt it was different anyways. I just have a hard time finishing paintings. My only finished painting took me three whole days. It was the bears on a sled painting I did for the old man for Christmas last year, and then I was burned out. So time is an issue...
I did promise her a $100 shopping spree at the mall when I got a job but I do kind of have a low income... I think I will start a jar for her. I have September, October, November, December, January, and then almost two weeks of February. That is what, five months? I need to save up $20 a month then. It is her dream. Any girl who has never had a job and never been blessed in the money department at her age... It would be a dream come true for her. I like it.
Any other idea? Please throw them my way. She does not have a lot of friends and is on depression and ADD meds. In fact, I should say she really has no friends after they all did that awful thing to her a few years ago... She considers me her bestie, and I know I just repeated myself, but I am so proud, or I guess honored? Anyways. Always been overweight and tall. She was over 200 last time I checked but going on down. She has never had tons of cute clothes like me, where I just collect them from friends and thrift stores somehow... My mom always got her huge flowery clothes in my mom's fashion, perhaps to cover the weight? Idk. She has a new found addiction to female things, which is interesting because it came on so suddenly with puberty. She had never really been very girly. Loves shoes and chocolate, probably addicted to it so I won't indulge that...
She is very head strong, knows what she wants out of life. Always changing what she want's to be when she grows up. She is also very sensitive towards men. Like, to an extreme. Maybe some of this is my fault, because I have always spoken like a sexist, which maybe I can be at times. I think it will be okay though. She is so fragile and special to me I want to protect her from everything, more so than anyone else in the family lately. She is strong, but underneath it all she is so, so fragile.
I know she could never get an eating disorder. She will never start counting calories, she just eats when she is hungry and tries to eat healthier foods more lately and exercise some which is great.
I am explaining all of this by the way, so that you guys can get a better sense of who she is. I want to explain her because she is so special to me.
We used to argue a ton and I used to be one of her bullies in middle school, maybe as far back as elementary school. I was awful. It took years, and I always felt like she would never trust me or treat me like a sister anymore. I had to earn everything she gives me now. I had to earn her trust, her forgiveness, and her friendship and love. I can't believe I had been so awful as to call her fat. I would make her cry so hard. I regret that. I was in an awful place too though, not that it's an excuse. It's so interesting, because now, as you all know me, or if you don't yet, I have the softest, most gentle heart of anyone. I couldn't hurt a fly or I would feel guilty. She calls it chronic niceness or something.
Anyways, as I was saying, she is very fragile. She is sensitive when it comes to her emotions but she is not easily pushed into things or influenced. She has her standards about her and they are immovable.
She has not been able to like any guys for so long. They would all bully her. She would feel as if they could never see her because she was fat. She literally felt that no once could treat her normally because of her weight. I say weight, not looks, because she looks really good even as heavy as she is. She has a good bone structure, and no matter what number on the scale, she has a great hourglass figure. Mine isn't quite the same. Her hair us unmanageable at times, always thick, brown and tangled. She has very, very thick brown hair that is always frizzy and curly.
She has a crush on a boy from church but is too scared to even mention a name. She will always be admiring him from afar. I'm not sure she can put herself out there for a guy ever. She has been hurt so much in the past. A random boy once ran past her in the hallway in middle school and called her a fat ass.
Everyone bullies her. She is bullied badly at school sometimes. She has already grown to be socially cut off. She doesn't like doing things in a group, even with just her sisters. She hardly comes out of her room. She completely submerges herself in books and mangas. She escapes.
Her temper is adorable. She stomps and screams and acts like a child and it's funny. I have gotten her to learn to laugh at herself in that state which makes things much less intense for her. Sometimes she rants about things and uses a big word only mispronounces it so it's another word, which makes the entire sentence just funny. She says she finally understands why I was so rebellious when I was her age, and says she has taken over my position in the house. I have reason to believe my other sisters might be saying mean things to her. I know one of the twins can be really brutal to everyone.
She realizes why I am uncomfortable around our dad and does the same kind of act. I am nicer to him now and let him hug me and say "I love you" back. We use those words and lots of hugs a lot in this house. She still runs when he offers a hug and generally acts like any act of affection is too uncool for her.
Last time I went home, she was the only one to stick around and hang out with me as much as she could. She evenly let me sit in her lap since she is bigger now. It was for a good amount of time and I was afraid I would hurt her legs but she didn't ever complain or make me get off.
One time I went home very upset, this was months ago, and I came int he front door and just burst out crying and she was on the couch laying down, reading. She had me climb into her lap and held me, let me curl up and cry on her shoulder. She actually comforted me. She never used to be so intimate. Now she will let me have hugs and sit close. I am also the only one she is happy to let into my room. I am so proud of how much she has accomplished. She is stronger than me I think. She may be stronger than I will ever be.
Anyways, sorry to get all teary and talk so much about her. She is just a lovely person. I was wrong to try and explain her. I could never capture what she is in words.
I hope you guys don't mind this post too much. I am missing her a lot lately. I have a very hard time going over there, and I am not allowed to have anyone over here. That is one of the main reasons why I want my own apartment. I want my girls' nights with my sisters back...
Sorry again for the... well, I am sure this isn't fun to read, so if you got to the end I would be amazed. I'm done now.

1 comment:

  1. You're sister sounds so wonderful. I wish I had that kind of a close relationship with my sister.
    We never really spoke to each other, and now she's leaving for university in a few months and I've finally realised how much I'll miss her.

    As for present suggestions for your sister: you said she loves manga and books, could you paint one of her favourite characters or manga characters? Something she can keep forever to remember you and to show that you really take notice of her favourite things?
    Just a suggestion though, obviously you're the only one who knows what she likes, I'm sure whatever you get her will be absolutely perfect.

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