Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Hm. I think my appetite is coming back.
H is being a pain. No I do not want gluten free cereal thank you very much. But he's like, I'll get you some anyways. And then he got mad when I pushed it. I don't want cereal right now. Sigh. Hopefully he will leave me alone again now. It wasn't even an argument, just him being edgy when I refused something he wanted to do nice for me. Stupid.
My appetite came back before all of that though, so it doesn't have to do with my mood.
He also just asked me if I wanted a hug. No.
Do you want company? No.
Do you want anything? No.
Why can't he leave me alone?!
I do feel sort of depressed. I was doing fine for a while. Maybe I ate something I wasn't supposed to and it set me off... But I know I didn't.
The old man took one of my two onions from home. Home grown onions are not the same as store bought and I hate that he took it. I only have $200 for food this month. He has his own job with up to 40 hours a week, a disability paycheck, and K has already said she would get him food off of her food card. He also took one of my tomatoes. I hate when he takes my food. I hate it. And I can't face him about it because it is stupid. He gets to do whatever he wants because it's his apartment. The old man doesn't want me to pay rent anymore. That, to me, is a sign that I am out soon. He's trying to be nice, but as soon as I make a big enough mistake I am out. The rent was keeping me grounded here.
I don't think I will be able to get my own apartment. Low income apartment programs have long waiting lists. There is no way to move out any time soon with my income. The waiting list is years long. Seriously. By then I would have a better job and my own place at normal rent, or be on the streets or dead. Screw that.
I don't want to be enthusiastic at the moment. Things just feel like crap.
That blanket he gave me, its his. As soon as we were broken up he took it back. I was so attached to that blanket. He gave it to me, and now it never happened. That makes me mad. It's stupid, but it makes me mad.
I hate all of this.

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