Friday, September 7, 2012

Hey guys. I haven't posted in a bit because nothing has really happened that I want to talk about. I had a stressful crying night with panic attacks a few days ago and H's reaction to it, a bad reaction, was different than normal and startled me. Shocked me really. It's in the past. I don't want to talk about it.
But I would like to state my progress.
I have been upping my calories every day. 600 then 800 then 1000 and today is probably closer to 1000. I can't get myself to really go above that. I do two meals a day. One is in the morning with my meds to keep my energy up during the day. The other is a few hours before bed so I don't go to bed too hungry to sleep or too full to sleep.
I have actually lost a little bit. Not a ton obviously, but my challenge for myself was to have more calories to rebuild my metabolism, and I had to make myself realize realistically, that to do that I may have to gain a pound or two. Not all of my weight back, just a little bit. However, I have gone down every day, even if I just lost a tenth of a pound. Today I was 144.1 pounds. I think that is my metabolism saying it's perfectly fine. This means I may be able to constrict a lot sooner than I would have thought and go back into losing. not yet though. The heat is unbearable and even knowing I am perfectly hydrated, I have felt very sick. I get hot for no reason. Then I get a headache. Then my stomach starts to get upset. Doesn't matter if I am full or empty. I am not sure why this is but I don't think there is much I can do about it other than keep my eating semi regular for a few more days to let it calm down.
I have to work tomorrow. I have Sunday off, and then I work every day until Friday. Pay day was today but I will get my pay check when I go in tomorrow morning. I have lunch shift except for Thursday when I work dinner shift. Also, my friend from work has the same shift as me tomorrow and Monday so I can get a ride.
My month bus pass has expired and I need to get a new pass but I was too lazy to get it today. It would mean getting up at the right hours to ride all the way to the other side of town to get a card, and then coming all the way back. This includes 20 minutes to walk to the bus stop, and the same on the way back. In this heat? I would get car sick. So I am not sure when I am going to do this or feel up to it.
I am not sure exactly how much money is in my account, or how much money I will be getting in my paycheck. If my paycheck is big enough I might be able to get myself that new mp3 player I have been wanting. I am already tired of taking...

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