Monday, September 3, 2012

H left for his brother's and now I am in panic mode.

Oh. What do you need of me love ask and you shall get

Eh nothing I just panicked and needed to tell someone that I did not feel okay. Never mind go back to bed.

I am here. I am always here for you.

I just have a hard time dealing with unexpected things and now I will be alone for who knows how long and I don't want to go home tomorrow at all.

My place is always open you know that. I am here for you. Unless you send me away. Or I get injured I will always be there for you

Yeah but you live so far away. I am out walking now. I fucking hate that place. I am going to get food. I just feel wild and destructive and I hate it.

If I came and picked you up would you feel alright here?


What can I do for you love? The only way I know to deal with wild and destructive won't help here.

You should go to bed so you won't be tired when you have to work tomorrow. There is nothing you can do to help. I would just destroy you like I did my ex.

Really. Unless you hospitalize me you won't break me. I've been to absolute rock bottom before.

I don't know how to help me. If I did I would be like this in the first place. The only person I can ever trust to be 100% reliable is me.

I am here for you love. Always. Rain or shine. Day or night. If you call for me I will come. If you need my shoulder it is yours. If you need a bed you have mine. I am here for you. And I want to be there for you.

Destroying someone is easy. All you have to do is get to their heart. Make someone love you and on their insides they will break into a million pieces just by watching you in your own torment.

You think I would be that easy?

Maybe not. But in all the time it would take to do it I would like you more even just as a person and then I would be tormented more watching you suffer.

I wouldn't be that easy.

Getting you in bed would be easy. Then what if I got pregnant and decided it was just a fuck. Easy isn't the issue. What do you want me to do right now.

Pain is part of life. I live with it. Thrive with it. I have learned to enjoy it.

I haven't learned to like pain nor do I ever want to. You didn't answer my question.

Getting me to bed would be easy yes. If all you wanted was a fuck. That would be fine. If you got pregnant that would be amazing actually. If you wanted the child for yourself I wouldn't stop you. I would want to be in their life. But I wouldn't stop you. Me, I want you to feel better. If that means chewing on me then so be it. I am here for you thick and thin. Good and bad. Rough and smooth.

But what do I do right now. I'm going to be up all night whether I want to be or not just pacing with my fingers and toes numb from the cold.

My suggestion if to curl up with someone you trust. Right now I want to go to you. Wrap you up in a blanket and tell you it's going to be okay. To keep you warm even if I get cold.

My phone is dying and I don't want to go back to plug it in. I don't want to cuddle. I don't want to go to your place. I wouldn't mind seeing you but you need to sleep for work today.

I know I do, unfortunately if I came to you, you would need to come to my place so I could sleep. I want nothing more than to see you right now. I want to hear your voice. I'm rambling so I need to stop before I say something stupid

Go to bed.

Night love. Talk to you tomorrow. If you need me to come in early tell me.

I've had my heart broken by more than one person and I'm brittle. H wasn't my first love. I'm warning you I may never return your feelings for me.

That's okay. Remember I am used to my feelings not being returned.

Get me out of here soon please. I want someone to help me and tell me what to do sometimes. I don't want to be here. That is the first thing you can do for me.

I will help you. I will get you out of there. I swear on my honor I will
I will get you out of there as soon as I can. I want to move you in for your safety. I want to be there for you. And well if you really wanted me to I could decide things for you. Tuesday we are going to hit the pavement to get you an apartment.

I really thought since he attempted suicide in the navy when his fiance lost their baby and left him for someone else it would do something more than that...
I have no clue what I am doing with all of this but I had to store it somewhere so I could come back and figure out what was going on but now I am too tired. His is the green text and mine should be white.
Comment please! 

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