Wednesday, August 29, 2012

So for today's honesty...
Two large bowls of honey bunches cereal in lactose free milk. Diet coke.
Four rice cakes at 50 calories each. Two packs of ramen. That's about it...
It was awful.
Let me tally that up...

200 for the rice cakes
+760 for the ramen.
+600+ of cereal... probably more with how much I ate...

1560 total. And that is my low estimate. I don't want to think about this...

Fuck I am soooo fat. I'm going to weigh myself. I have to. Even if I did eat today already.
155.8 pounds. Fuck.
That can't all be from food. Last time I weighed I was closer to 154 pounds. I can't have eaten almost two pounds in food today. I can't have. I'm gaining. Wake up call.
I would go on a bike ride but- insert your favorite excuse here.

I really don't want to work tomorrow. They are going to fire me anyways and that's why they have been cutting my hours. I really don't know what they expect me to do. I am working as hard and as well as I can. If that isn't good enough, when will it ever be?
I can't get an apartment period if I lose my job. I have been working harder than most of everybody there I feel. I am really trying. I am always moving, taking the initiative, and I get most of the orders right if now all. At least, I feel that I am doing a lot better. But it's no use with my bitch boss who won't listen and tells me I am not good enough. I don't think she believes I can get better even though I have, and she has probably already set out her plan of action, cutting hours and then firing me. It doesn't matter how hard I work at this point, but I will try my best anyways because that is the kind of person that I am.

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