Friday, August 10, 2012

I can't even find myself inside my own head. This is what happens to me sometimes... I call it withdrawing into myself. I lose all... life. It's been constant for a week or so now. I even cut and loved it. I don't regret that. I won't even apologize for not posting. I don't really care. I could stop posting for forever and not think a thing of it right now. I reached a new low of 148.8 but I don't know how long that will last. It doesn't even matter anymore. As long as I cope by cutting, eating no longer seems necessary. What a weird thing that is, actually not feeling the need to eat when it's replaced by something else. I must be psychotic... And I only did it once- days ago...
I'm going to get fired. I've already been warned.
What will my life be without a path to take? I want out of here. But the world doesn't care what I want. It only cares that I suffer miserably, and all of you with me.
January 1st, 2013.

2 comments:

  1. This is how I feel a lot. I'm not suicidal I'm just sick of the entire existence of what has become of my life at this point, I can't tell you how much I completely understand this and I just want you to know you aren't alone. That prob won't help but still. Things will look up and good job getting to a new low weight. I'm glad you only cut once too(although i'm sorry about that). I only do it once incessantly for about a few minutes when I'm under deep stress and usually I can't help it. I hope you feel strong and know how lovely you are. <333

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  2. January 1st? What's happening then? Please everybody cares about you. I don't want you to suffer.
    I wish there was something I could do to help you feel more alive again, but please remember that I care about you, and I want you to be okay.
    Please take care and stay strong.

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