Thursday, August 2, 2012

Ah it's been an okay day. I actually just woke up. My first appointment was easy and not as stressful as I imagined it would be of course...
I can't remember what I ate or if I ate before the appointment but I remember being ridiculously hungry so I don't believe I did eat anything. Afterwards, all I had was a little bit of beef jerky- the pepper kind which burned lol. I also had one can of cream of mushroom soup, and... diet coke. I think that is really all I ate. Today I did have breakfast but I feel really sick. Not normal sick, but like, dehydrated sick. So I needed to eat something so I had the strength to get up. I have to get up for my next appointment in six or so hours.
I am trying to drink more water so I am not so dehydrated and nauseous and maybe my headache will go away and my legs will stop cramping... It was just my knee but now I have cramps in both legs. I love water, but I don't love warm water. So I just refilled two water bottles of water and put them in the fridge to cool. I shouldn't be, being dehydrated as I am, but I am drinking diet soda. Cola I think. It's either that or ravage the fridge and cupboards for food and end up binge eating. I know it's just thirst so I am filling my tummy with no calorie drink until the water is bearable. If you have bad tap water and morning taste in your mouth, that isn't really going to work...
I was right to be worried about my little sister. Apparently they waited five or so days of her having a fever, and she threw up once, before taking her in to the ER. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with her but she felt a ton better after the IV had been there for a while, because she was super dehydrated too. At least my mom wasn't dumb enough to never take her in, but this still makes me feel super awful about being right. No one else was sick, and a fever...? Sure sign that something is not right in my opinion. If everyone else has it, that usually means it is a commoner sickness, but when you are the only one with the symptoms, something is wrong with you.
Anyways, so my mom finally got her an appointment with a specialist yesterday, to try and figure out what was going on. The appointment wasn't yesterday, my mom making the call was. And yet, the ER visit was days ago. Probably closer to a week ago. It's frustrating...
To answer an earlier comment, they were ten hours away in another state, I have no money or authority to call the doctor to make an appointment by myself for her, and I have no way of getting her there, especially as I don't even live with them. It's nearly impossible.
My mom would never allow me to take her in myself either, and so I would be a kidnapper even though I really wish my mom had a better handle on things. I feel like she should be trying harder to figure things out for my sister, because if she waits too long bad things could start to happen. When a child has a fever too long it can cause brain damage, for example. I am worried about my sister too though. She is the littlest, not the youngest, but the boniest. She has skin so pale you can almost see through it. She's not exactly at the same social level as other children her age, at least I think. What if something is terribly wrong with her??? It's probably nothing...
To top that off, my parents are taking out a $13,000 loan that has to be paid back at the rate of $400 per month, so that they can adopt. Throw the rest of your kids under the bus to adopt a child who isn't yours, because you want to fulfill a motherly role again so you don't feel old. That may be mean, but I really feel that adopting is a seriously STUPID decision in this case. I have nothing against adoption, in fact I am all for taking a child with no parents into your home to give him/her what she might have had, but this is ridiculous. Sigh... anyways, to end this with a brighter note, I weighed in after waking up at 154.1 pounds. Which means I have lost a pound or so since yesterday. I am on the right track. Control...
I WILL NOT EAT. I WILL BE SKINNY. I WILL BE GORGEOUS...

1 comment:

  1. You will be skinny but you already are gorgeous.. :D
    And ditto to all your thoughts.. I think its perhaps selfishness and obliviousness.. I feel sorry that you and your sisters are neglected so and will have to go without so your mum can adopt.. It upsets me a bit cos my mum wants to adopt but because of my dad she cant, hes diabetic and classified as dependent on my mother and also he is clinically "insane" and in and out of psychiatric wards all the time :\ I feel sorry for my mum because I think she has done a good job with us and she had her womb removed so she cant have kids but she so wants to help others.. so maybe thats how your mum feels.. you shouldnt have to go without.. and I hope your sister gets well soon, love you xx

    ReplyDelete