the other day the boss lady was talking to another girl in front of me about black pants. i was wearing jeans and needed to get some black pants and the girl said maybe she could get me a pair and the boss lady looks at her and says, "uh uh no way. you're a tiny little thing. she would never fit."
and the girl was like "no my sister-(insert sister's name here)" and the boss nodded.
she said, "yeah, she is a bigger girl. that might work."
I never got them so idk if she even looked but i already have three new pairs of black pants that don't look like complete shit thanks to my mom.
i saw little girls in the playground while i was waiting for my shift. i sat on the park bench and just watched them play. they were tiny. their legs were really long and skinny, and i suddenly understood that my little sisters, 3 and 6 are overweight for toddlers. they will grow up and look like me. the little girls in the park would grow up and be like the tiny girls at work. just naturally. and i was thinking how, if i lost all that weight and looked like them, people would get angry with me and call me anorexic and say i am losing too much weight. but the little ass women at work, they are accepted because they have always been that size.
and I want to be tiny. not flat, tiny. their bones are little, and their bodies are skinny, but it looks fine because it is in proportion with their everything. if you have wider hips and the fat and skin is just stretched across it, you still aren't tiny, you're just flat. it's depressing.
Sorry for the bad grammar. It's something I wrote to one of my best friends in an email and felt I should share.