Sunday, July 29, 2012

Okay so I just overheard H asking his dad to take him to R's in the morning when he went to work. I was sad at first like I always am for some stupid reason, and then I realized, I don't have work all week. If he stays for a few days somewhere else, that is my opportunity to eat very little. There is no work this week to stress me out, so I have a few endless summer days to relax and stay inside, or maybe if I can get a new laundry key I can go to the pool... Probably not.
I have testing the first half of the day on Wednesday, and all day Thursday, which I am actually somewhat excited about. not the part where I have to go and do tests at the hospital, but I really hope they get me all figured out so I know what is wrong with me. I need help with my ADD badly and I hope they can diagnose me properly and help me out. I have been waiting for this for months. Seriously. 
Oh fuck I just found out H isn't going anywhere. Way to ruin my week...
And I still don't have anyone to go with me to testing. I asked mom but she didn't want to. Sigh... now I am depressed again...
I hope they don't do that stupid thing where they blame my attention issues on breathing problems or depression so I can't get my ADD taken care of unless I agree to go on bipolar meds for a few months first... I HATE that. I am not going to use any kind of mood meds. No.
I have sodas. I didn't reach my goal by the 27th like I wanted to. In fact I gained- booooooo. >.<
Not going to happen again. Self control Venus. You will have self control...
So I did eat a 400 calories microwave cheese burger for breakfast (eh what the hell was I thinking... It was gross!) but since then all I have had is coffee and soda. Yum strawberry crush... I have never had it before.
I will do better. What a nightmare to wake up the first day of 2013 and still be fat. To not have lost anything. Or even to have GAINED. Not this time. I will lose. Watch me :D
Also I couldn't sleep this morning so I was playing Pokemon in the dark and suddenly a giant spider crawled over the screen and I froze as I realized it must have crawled over me, and then I squealed and jumped over H and hid behind him. Then I realized I couldn't go to bed until I knew it was gone so I turned on the light and squealed some more and H woke up and I was sitting there like, "Ew not the pillow!" Moved the pillow, then, "Ew not my blanket!" Moved the blanket.
"H get it! Ewwwww!!!" I completely spazzed out lol. Idk what was wrong with me. I used to be able to calmly smash spiders- with my hands. Then he killed it but left the legs moving and set it on the other side of my bed. I was like, "The legs are still moving! It's going to use it's two half broken legs and drag it's half dead ass back over here! Ew!" I mean, when you kill a spider you have to make sure all that's left is it's guts and it has to be smashed enough that the legs are all disconnected from it's body. Right???
I checked before going to work though and it's all dead. Few. -.-
But I ended up dreaming that a giant hobo spider was on my face. Hobo's are poisonous spiders around here by the way. There was one giant one in the bathroom the other day. But I kept waking up all morning thinking there were spiders all over me and scratching every itch like Hell in case there really was one...
Random story... my bad.
xoxo :)


  1. I have a spider that lives in my room I named him Hector, well my bf named him Hector.. he is very small and lives on my window sill, I dont mind him I have seen him catch loads of small flies and I will let him live there, hes adorable :) I used to kill spiders too but now I think, hey theyre living creatures I should not harm them..

    Sorry you didnt reach your gw but I am sure by new year you will get there :) love you xx

  2. I hate spiders, but like Rayya in my house there's a tiny spider living in the bathroom which my family have named Mickey B. It's cute because it never really moves and it's small. Other than Mickey I hate spiders. I feel all shivery and ichy just thinking about spiders.
    You will definitely reach your goal weight by New Year. You can totally do this.
    Good luck.