Friday, July 27, 2012

I don't know if anyone else likes this style of music, but I am super moved by artists like Eminem and Fort Minor...

Where'd You Go- Fort minor
This song has always haunted me. It is my favorite song, but it nearly kills me to listen to it now. I feel like everyone I have ever loved has left me. My brother, my family, H... I feel like they all just left me to deal with life alone, without even leaving me a clue as to how to live it...

Eminem- Lose Yourself
Pushes me more than any other artist or song. It makes me want to move. It motivates me to go for it, to fight for myself. Only Eminem can help me to get off my ass and run.

Eminem- Sing for the Moment
I listened to these songs when I was with H. It was a haunting time, when I could be in the homeless shelter, the hospital, the mental ward. It snowed but he was never there to see it with me. This song haunts me. It scares me the way I am, the way I have lived life. It makes me feel alone, because I am. This song makes food my life's evil. I WILL NOT EAT.

I once had a journal that I kept at one point that revolved around my eating issues. I would talk about calories and weight and that need I felt inside me to withdraw and not speak, to deal with things with dreams of bones and being cold in the summer.
Each time I wrote in it, as it could be every hour to check in, I would say if I had eaten or not, and I would count the calories and write how much I wanted myself to exercise to make up for it. I would always make it an extreme amount that I could never do, but I would try anyways. And each time I checked in, I would end the entry with I WILL NOT EAT.
Sometimes entire pages were filled with just me telling myself, I WILL NOT EAT. I HAVE SELF CONTROL. I AM STRONG. I WILL NOT EAT. I would always write them in caps.

Eminem- Till I Collapse
Here is another of my favorites. I couldn't find if there was an official video for it so this one just has lyrics, but I hope you still enjoy it.

1 comment:

  1. Eminem will forever be my favourite rapper. I love his songs. And Fort Minor has always made an emotional connection with me. Gotta thanks Linkin Park for leading me to them. =]