Sunday, July 8, 2012

Alina, that comment was so sweet, thank you.
Thank you to everyone who has commented. I always feel like everyone will take H's side over mine, like for some reason unless he tortures the person, they will always give him the benefit of the doubt. But it's nice when I have friends good enough to hate who I hate and feel what I feel and love as I do. It's nice to have friends.
Last night I went for a long bike ride because I was so pissed at H. He tried to call me to see where I had gone, but I didn't bring my phone with me. I didn't even associate the bike with H and the negative feelings that go with it all, because I was riding my own new bike for the first time, and let me say it rides amazingly.
I woke up this morning at 151.7 or somewhere around there. Either way it is less than yesterday and I am proud and happy about that.
After the bike ride I ended up having a coughing fit- an asthma attack I guess. K woke up to see what was going on, and H crawled over to see if I was okay. The concerned look on his face was amazing. Then he slept next to me in the bedroom and at some point woke me up because he thought I had stopped breathing. he hasn't done that in so long. It was nice to see someone who is so selfish actually take a moment to care about someone else. But I won't take anything from that because I know what kind of a person he is and that things will not change because of one instance.
His face was so scared when he shook me awake though lol...
I always breath really shallow, especially when sleeping, so it sometimes really does appear that I have stopped breathing. He used to check more often but that was a long time ago; months ago. When I was in the hospital at the beginning of the year, I couldn't lay back or rest at all because every time I did the machine would make loud warning noises because it thought I had stopped breathing too.
I consider this a sort of... victory over H. It means nothing but I feel as if I have drawn something from H that he does not allow himself to feel. It makes me feel powerful and more in control. I always was good at manipulating my mom tells me, but I would call it existing. I didn't pretend to have an asthma attack, and I did not pretend to stop breathing, and in no way did I force the asshole to care.
Haha feels nice...


  1. Oh Venus <3 That is cute that he checked if you were breathing - I used to do that to my baby sister.. lol You are definitely NOT manipulating its not your fault you had an asthma attack or any of that. Love you lots! <3 xxx

  2. Venus , are you a fan of anime ?