Friday, June 8, 2012

Hey guys. I have had a very off day. It started off crappy because I blew up and so everyone blew up back at me. I was stressed out because of my social anxiety and I had my very first interview this morning. One should always be confident when it comes to interviews but since this is anonomous I must say I don't think I did so well. I felt ugly in the gray suit pants I wore, and somehow I didn't grab my make up getting here so I had to go with just a clean face and my hair which always puffs up. It's not cool to have puffy hair when you are blond, or ever. I am hoping it will grow out and turn into a good thing.
Later, H seemed very upset, and he told me I should go back to the apartment because he needed space. I asked if I could stay here anyways and he agreed albeit very angrilly. I kept a cool head though, appologized with a hig and asked how I could make his day better and he got friendly again. I still think he wants space, but when I asked if I should still leave he said I would have nothing to do there anyways, because the enternet was down which means no computer time or TV. I think he's okay with me being here now. Not happy with it exactly, but not pissed anymore either.
We head back there tomorrow. I won't be able to blog for a while. I don't know when it will be put back up. Until K gets back nothing can happen. I keep hearing she's coming back and then she doesn't. Normally that would be a great thing, but now I hear she won't be back until Saturday and the enternet is under her name because she paid for it the first time.
H doesn't have any gaming this weekend for some reason.
Hopefully I get this job but I can't get my hopes up too high. I am all too good at getting depressed because I put such high hopes on the line. My expectations can't always be met, that's just life.

This job could be the difference between me living under a roof, or on the streets. Pray for me, or if you aren't religious, wish me luck and cross your fingers. I need this job.

I don't know how much I weigh, or if I have gained or lost, but it feels like I have done awful. The only thing I don't understand is that I just put on a new pair of size 10 jeans my mom sent me. When I put them on hours ago they seemed tight, and now they feel like they are falling off. I don't know how that could be except maybe they weren't as tight as I originally thought. I am pretty certain that I gained though. All I have had is peanut M'n'M's all day and a tiny bit of vanilla coffee. Then just a while ago H got some mini corn dogs and chicken nuggets (both disgusting, I don't know why I ate them XP). Because I have ADD, or at least I think I do, the coffee actually has an extreme calming affect. It's like I am looking out fom a glass ball where no one can reah me or hurt me. Very good feeling. I don't know if it has that effect because I have ADD or for some other reason, but caffeine doesn't seem to have the same effect. It's the weird bitter taste that helps me. I don't know how.


  1. i am keeping my fingers crossed and praying for you! i want my hair to grow too.. wish there was something magic i could do to make it good :\ hope you're ok! much love xx

  2. I'm sure you did great in your interview, it always feels like you did terrible until they call you back. I'm praying for you and crossing my fingers so hopefully doing both will help you out a bit :p try not to worry too much. If you don't get this job then they're idiots for not hiring you and you'll find something better i'm sure. you seem very resoursefull so i'm sure you'll figure something out.


  3. Hey... your jeans were probably just tight because they were new? Just like when you wash a pair of jeans they can be tight for a little bit.

    My hair didn't grow until I finally allowed my hairdresser to trim it :s and it's grown a couple inches now... I was terrified of having it cut (bc of a bad experience when I was younger, go figure), bc of weight-loss my hair 'shrank' or something, so I thought if I let her cut it, it would stay that length.. with some more weight on me, or rather just getting more nutrition, it stopped 'shrinking', but didn't grow either.. getting it trimmed semi regularly made it more healthy and able to grow.. Which is kinda cool, lol.. I should still get it trimmed way more often!

    I'm crossing fingers and toes for the job... And sending good energy out there for you x Good luck x