Monday, May 7, 2012

R has already forgotten he was mad at H. But there is no forgiveness for me. H will be going over there for two days like he always does, playing games, eating too much junk food off the food card and leaving me here with the unending thought process where I realize- I will never be welcome anywhere. It hurts.
But H doesn't really care. He shrugs and says that's just R. I hate how they excuse R for doing everything he does because that's just the way he is. It doesn't matter that I was the one who was wronged. I am the one who has to earn R's forgiveness back.
I hate how R can call me immature and then do things like this. The others will say nothing happened so that R won't be mad at them, but no matter what I say it won't matter because the others are already turning their heads to the side. R is 26. I never realized how stupid he really was.
More than anything else though, I wish someone would stand up for me. H will not do that. His dad won't do that. I don't know anyone else who even should. I am just fed up with people throwing me under the bus so that they don't have to get involved. I'm tired of getting thrown under the bus because they don't want to risk their own emotions, or their own happiness, or anything else. Selfish people make this world go round. I am not selfish. At least I know that. But I feel like in order to survive in this world, especially as a woman, I would have to be a bitch and be selfish, and I would have to learn to live with being unhappy.
There is nothing I can say to R to make him see reason, and that is the most immature part of it all.

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