Thursday, May 17, 2012

Men hating should be a sport by now. It's the same empty promises and lies. H is seriously mistaken if he thinks anyone will ever except him when he disrespects them that way. He promised to take a walk with me if I ate. I gave in more because he was getting frustrated with me. he never went on a walk with me. I asked him at the end of that day and he made an angry noise and said angrily, "I'll be done in a minute." So I told him to stay on his game and to forget about it. if he is going to go on a walk but be angry with me for days afterwards because he felt like I needed him too much... Not going to deal with it. Afterwards he made kind eyes at me and said, "you know, I would have gone on that walk with you the other day." I didn't even respond.
Then I get super upset because I was stressed out about not being able to get a job... Y decided he was going to get an apartment with his brother. There is no way I would even talk him into letting me stay then either. His brother hates me and I am not going to live with someone who has no respect for me for six or more months. Not a chance.
H says, "I'll help you get a job tomorrow. We'll go online and I will help you with applications." He didn't.
I didn't even have time to prepare myself for him going over to R's because he told me for days he wasn't going over there this week because R's was too messy and it stressed him out. He decided in seconds and suddenly says, "I'm going over to R's. Want the food card? Want me to leave my wallet here?" I told him to basically get lost.
I asked him to no matter what leave the last $15 dollars on the card for me. Without asking me he spent a ton of it on burgers for his pals at game night- it was his night to bring food- and something else too. I was left with $8 which he ended up spending on drinks anyways. There is a few dollars left, but it is maybe half way through the month and all $300+ is gone.
He said he was coming home today. I don't even have to say it for you to get it.
I am angry with him.
He did say at one point when I was talking to him that maybe once he had paid off his debt and had a job he would give me another chance. That means things could get better... if he gets a job. if too much time passes and he doesn't have a job, his chances are screwed. Even worse, I know his dad doesn't want me here forever, but now my only chance for getting out before I end up on the streets is getting a job. I am so lost.
My life sucks. Like really, not just "I had a bad hair day and lost a dollar and my date cancelled on me and I can't find my favorite lipstick" kind of sucks. My life really sucks.
I hate H.

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