Wednesday, May 9, 2012

K finally left me alone for a while. She has been sitting next to me telling me what to do and what not to do for two days now. I just want a moment alone on the computer to do whatever the fuck I want. She knows I won't stand up to her without H or dad around. I don't want to risk pissing the bitch off. It is not my home and I have no ground or right to say anything.
She also just pulled out a brand new looking razor- the kind that is motorized or whatever, not the little plastic disposables I would be lucky to get my hands on. She says she had it from before when she was in the Navy, but it still bothers me. I haven't been able to shave my legs in over a month- probably several.
I haven't had access to any of my stuff for over a year now. I have nice things, or at least a few things I like, but they are out of my reach. I cannot bring anything here unless it is absolutely necessary. I hate it.
She throws all this in my face, but whether or not it's on purpose I don't care. I still say she is a bitch.
Also she has started to obsess about the game on Facebook too. Suddenly I feel very little interest in it.
She also told me I should go get something to eat. She says I have been saying how hungry I am for the past hour or so, but I don't remember making any comments like that. I told her I guess I wasn't hungry anymore. If she fucking starts forcing me to eat like she did last spring when I was underage and she had a way to control me, I swear to god I will...
Last spring she invited me over for the first time in a while. I didn't know her brothers, and to be honest, I hardly knew her. She is awful at cooking- still- and she would make this disgusting concoctions and then tell me if I didn't eat then she would send me home. I had no will. I had no voice. I had no control over my own life. Going home became such a terrifying thing that I put up with all of the shit she dealt me. I did everything she asked, and she treated me like a child, and so I still hate when people call me Hun, or honey, sweetheart, babe... Fuck anyone who calls me that. I won't listen to shit like that.
She was controlling with everything. She controlled the people I saw, the activities I did, and every other element of my life. I hate that bitch with a vengeance. I forget just how much sometimes. I try not to hate but when someone so utterly fucks with your life... I can understand why that girl killed herself. She must have been through with K too.

1 comment:

  1. Venus? I hope you're ok.. you havent posted in a while, I miss you and I hope you are doing ok. If you ever need to talk I am always here for you.
    Love You xx