I hate what is going on between us and it is stressing me out. So I will make a plan to follow to make me feel safer.
Problem: H asks what is wrong.
Solution: Smile, and change the subject. If you can't think of a subject, tell him you suddenly have a craving for some kind of food, and then to change your mood, go on a walk.
Problem: Getting frustrated with H for ignoring you.
Solution: The more you try and gain his attentions, the more he will be pushed away. Go on a walk to calm down.
Problem: Confiding in H.
Solution: Use the computer and talk your problems out here, or in your new journal. If neither are present, text a friend, or go for a walk.
Problem: My unhappiness
Solution: Well considering you don't want to go back on drugs...
Ways to improve your mood:
1.) Start humming. the vibrations send the happy chemical to your brain.
2.) Exercise does the same thing. Go for a walk.
3.) Smile even if you don't feel like it.
4.) Tell yourself something nice about yourself once in a while. You shouldn't have to depend on anyone else to form the belief that you are wonderful and amazing. (Of course you are!)
My new goal: Not to effing break down every night anymore. It is putting a strain on you. Fuck it if he cares, but it isn't good for you.
Why you do it: You feel as if you have not accomplished enough during the day or made any progress with H.
What you need to realize: Rome was not built in a day, and your heart cannot be repaired that fast either.
Solution: Go for a walk girl. I cannot stress enough the importance of walking away and getting some fresh air. Even if you have to go for millions of walks a day, who cares? Not you.
This is me talking myself down. This is why I have not committed suicide. If I had multiple personality disorder, this would be the part of me that slaps the other me's and says, "Wake up and smell the roses stupid! Besides, they are pretty too..."
My life sucks but wouldn't it be a good story to tell my children someday? Of how mommy killed all the dragons and dumped the prince? Or tell anyone for that matter... What a feat to have achieved, I mean really. I conquered life! Now I just have to do it...
I'm sure I have lots more problem/solution ideas but I really just want to stop thinking about him right now.