H is giving me signals that I don't wanna hear... and yet I do want to hear them...
I went on a crying binge last night a bit, and I said, "You have no intentions of ever getting romantic with me again. So I need to stop living in this fantasy and giving myself false hope."
"How do you know (that I have no intention of this)?"
Of course, it gave me the fuel I needed...
Think of it like this.
There is a measuring cup marked from 1-10, bottom to top. Every time H does something to upset me, the measuring cup pours out until it is one mark less than before. Eventually it get to around one or two, and then one positive thing and the entire cup refills again. Happiness weighs more than unhappiness. Hope, is worth infinitely more than despair. I suppose this theory explains why the abused stick around to be abused more. All it takes is a smile, or an apology and the cup is full once more.
If it didn't ever refill and became empty, the love is lost forever, the relationship comes to a close.
Some have deeper cups than others. This means they have more patience and tolerance.