Thursday, April 12, 2012


I would rather have a panic attack than be bored. Being bored is awful.
Boredom has been, is, and will always be my worst downfall. It's my Achilles heel.
I eat, I chew my nails until they bleed, I destroy stuff, I cut my hair or dye it some obscene color...
I bully my sisters, text too much, or I sit there hot and miserable with my leg jumping up and down because I am restless. Nothing is fun. I get bored of everything I do...
Consider all of the things you love to do, and then imagine having the time to do them, but not wanting to. It's AWFUL. I play a little Pokemon, I blog a bit, I look up some videos, maybe one or two, I wander around, get tired and sit down, then I read a little...
Having conversations with my sisters suck, because they will wait until a pause in your story and then but in with their own story and when you try to tell the rest of it they get bored and go away. My sisters will never get the art of listening. I have learned it but when someone doesn't listen to you back? It's amazingly irritating.
Everything irritates me today. It's just one of those days. I don't like when people touch me, or when a little kid thinks I'm not listening so they repeat themselves over and over and over and over again. I don't like when all my sisters are trying to tell me something at once, which of course is not important enough to remember after they get called for ice cream.
Oh god the ice cream. I couldn't say no to my mom, even though I was suffering through that entire effing bowl. No one else wanted the rest of it, and I will never be able to waste food. I wish I could just throw out food when I'm done with it, but for some reason I can't.
Sometimes I don't even want to have kids when I grow up because of these little ones. I cannot stand the constant screaming and crying over nothing and them always hitting each other and all the scares because they don't care if the other bleeds... God it's awful. And the youngest one gets waited on hand and foot because my mom feels like she has something to make up for after she lost the baby. This may be awful but I am so glad the baby went to heaven. It's a much better fate than this awful household. Don't get my wrong I loved that baby for the two or three days it was alive, and I still do, but she is so much better off where she is now.
This place is hell and no one in it realizes just how awful it is. They have been born in and created it themselves, so they know no better and know no different.
I do.
Either they don't know how bad things are, or I am the only one who thinks anything is bad. Idk which anymore.
Part of me wonders if it's me. But that might be the boredom talking.
Let's just see what the boredom has me do next. Hehe...

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