I just found out my oldest brother is coming home today for a week from college. I don't talk to him. It's not like I ignore him, we just don't really keep in contact I guess. I haven't talked about him much. We never particularly got along. I tried hard to be a good little sister to him, but it's really hard.
He has Aspergers.
For those of you who don't know what that is:
He has a lot of difficulty socially, and it is hard to keep a conversation going with him because he doesn't know how to communicate well.
He gets frustrated easily, and when I was younger I made him angry a lot and he would hit me, stab me or throw objects at me, or try and strangle me. I tried to call the police on him before when I was very scared for my life, but he or my parents would stop me by pulling out the cord, or catching me and restraining me. He would grab my hair or my arm and hurt me to stop me. It was always very scary.
On the other hand, I felt it was my responsibility to watch over him. I didn't know for most of my life that he had this disorder. I sensed something was wrong, but I didn't know what. I saw him being bullied on the back of the bus, saw other boys laughing at him and he thought they were trying to be his friends. So I am also protective of him.
On another subject, I move into a new apartment with that friend of mine on May 2nd I think.
He doesn't have a computer... So... I'm terrified actually. It's stupid but I really rely on my connection with you guys and friends I can only get a hold of online.
I almost would just rather stay here, but my friend put the down payment down today.
What am I gonna do???
Also, my sisters left me with a giant bag of sweets because it's Easter. I have snickers, MnM's, tootsie rolls, jelly beans, Caramel eggs, musketeers, twix... oh my God I am so fucked.