Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I forgot to mention that I am going to try and win H back. He texted me today saying his dad didn't have the money to pick him up today, Wednesday, so his friend would drive him back on Friday.
I asked if he wanted to hang out Friday or wait until Monday  but he didn't answer.
I asked if I could call, and again no answer.
Then I was like, Sorry if I'm bothering you but you didn't answer and I would like to get some food now that the food card is refilled.
He answered saying he would get me some food on Friday. I guess he wanted to get it over with. Then I asked if he didn't mind hanging out on Friday too, just for a few hours. I have to seem nonthreatening if I want things to work. He said ok, and I haven't texted him since. I am so proud of myself for that.
I am keeping my mind open. I'm not daydreaming of H in my future, but I am daydreaming a future for myself. I might be alone with a job, which doesn't sound bad, and I might find some other guy. I have to make sure I am not making H my only option or if and when things don't work out with H, I won't be set up for misery and panic.
On Friday I will probably go into town with my mom and my little sister to shop and stuff, and I'll probably go to the library for a bit. Then when he texts he's home I'll head over.
Hopefully I can charm him enough to get him to realize he still has some feelings for me. He realized it last time, and it has been what... a month since I have seen him last?
If I act the right way he will remember it, and if that doesn't work nothing else will in my plan. If i can get him to that point, I will act a little distant and pay attention to a lot besides him so (basic reverse psychology) he will want me more. Then when I leave I won't text unless he texts me, and I will keep even that brief, and if I play my cards right, he will come running back. The reason we didn't work out before is because I was too emotional all the time and needy and it pushed him away. If he felt something for me before, perhaps he will be able to find that in himself again.
Last night I dreamed that we met and he didn't feel anything for me and he was just very distant and angry with me and wanted nothing to have to do with me. And in my dream he said he really didn't care for me anymore, that he felt nothing and didn't want to ever see me again.
But in my dream I also acted very emotional and tried forcing him to realize he liked me.
So the thing is, I have to be very casual about it. I will just be friendly and smile, be positive and act cute. If he is charmed, there is a chance for repair. If there isn't, I need to move on.
I am prepared to be rejected I think. If he isn't interested I need to say ok and leave him alone.

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